[How it feels… he nods slowly, recognizing the question with more clarity this time. It's probably a more accurate method for how he uses it these days, anyway.]

When I was little, I used to sneak out to watch the Kingsglaive in the courtyard. They could do almost everything my father could, and their sword skills were amazing. I wanted to be strong like them, or like my dad, so… that's what I thought about a lot, when I was training.

[On hard days he would envision them, fuel his own ambitions through those memories- flinging themselves from one side to the other, hanging off the walls as they waited for the perfect time to strike, celebrating their successes and cursing their failures. The stern and succinct instruction of Drautos as he supervised their efforts. To a still-recovering child who had difficulty connecting with others, the camaraderie felt very much like a finish line towards which he should be running. I want to be like that. I want power like that. I want friends like that.

Looking back on that is a conflicting experience, after all that went down with the Glaives and Drautos especially, but he can't just erase those feelings either.]

The first time I saw a daemon, I was powerless, scared, and that was the worst feeling in the world. When I'm fighting now, I think… I never want to feel like that again. I want to be strong enough to fight anything.

[Be it gods, daemons, or maybe fate itself. The Crystal and his magic are the keys to all of that.]