hugtopia_logs | those rebellious teenage years come a-calling

Entry tags:

!: noctis lucis caelum

those rebellious teenage years come a-calling

♥ Who: Noctis and Ardyn
♥ Where: Regis & Ardyn's place, woo
♥ When: /NONCOMMITTAL HAND WOBBLE, some time in September
♥ What: Some talking! About important things! AKA: "would you like to try a little blasphemy, as a treat"
♥ Rating: idk PG at least, probably

[It's well after his birthday - and post-afterglow of what a damn good day he'd had, because he'd wanted to ride that wave as long as he could without ruining it - that Noctis finally resolves himself to have a talk he'd been rather anxious about for... well, probably a few months now. It had started out as just a theorized thing between he and Pyra, something to work on in the background. But the truth is, if they really want to go for it - really, really make a solid effort - they'll need extra help. They'll need Ardyn on board. And he doesn't know what that means, he doesn't have a plan or a method or anything, but.

But.

He really wants to try, turns out.

And so, one particular afternoon when he knows Regis will be manning the potion shop, Noctis ventures over to the house and knocks on the door (rather than letting himself in, which might indicate things are more serious today). Should Ardyn open the door to invite him in, he'll be greeted by an awkward shuffle and an offered bottle of some of this really nice fruit wine from Shoremere, almost like an apology.]

Hey. You free for one of those talks?

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[As it happened, Ardyn did in fact answer the door; glancing from Noctis to the wine bottle and then back again with a raised eyebrow. One of those talks, indeed.]

Always, of course. I assure you that the bribery is completely unnecessary.

[...he said, accepting the bottle anyway.]

Come in and make yourself comfortable, I conveniently have exactly as much time as you require of me.

[He gets a derisive scoff for that, as Noctis steps in and nudges off his boots at the door.]

It's not a bribe. I fully expect that bottle to be open and at least half-drained before I leave.

[In part by himself. He'll want some alcohol to stumble his way through this conversation.]

It's to be that sort of day, is it? [Gods knew they'd seen plenty of those. He set the bottle down, pulling two glasses from his armory to sit beside it.]

Very well. What is it that's causing us problems this time?

[Noctis shrugs. Honestly, he's not sure how this'll go. They'd been settled in their decision, accepting it quietly, with the deference that the gods had expected of them. Ardyn had said he would defer to Noct's choice, but that was ages ago. Maybe throwing a wrench in those plans and creating false hope would make everything worse. It's the last thing he'd want, and he would feel wretched if he brought it up and then they either failed or screwed it up worse.

Hard to say which way the card will fall, so he's quiet for a long moment as he parks himself where Ardyn had set the wine and drums his fingers on the counter.]

...So... grand plan of the gods. We both die and the world is saved. No more Scourge, no more daemons, no more Lucis Caelum. We've talked about it already, and... we're cool with letting it go that way.

[...That start was enough to get Ardyn to calmly open the bottle and pour them both a drink before sitting down, leaning back in his chair.]

We did agree that course of action was the safest choice. [It felt too strong a word to say he accepted it entirely, but he accepted it as much as was possible. They were in agreement that the world mattered more than either of them, and that at least was something Ardyn was willing to commit to.]

[None of which meant he liked it.]

Edited 2022-09-24 03:53 (UTC)

Uh-huh.

[Another pause. He takes a swig of the wine, swirling it thoughtfully as the alcohol burns his tongue.]

...What if we didn't... do that? [It's vague, and that makes him wince, but it's out now so he has to justify it-] What if- their plan sucks, and we find something better?

[He watched Noctis carefully as he said that, silent as he thought over the statement. Truthfully, it was something he'd thought of himself several times, but it wasn't his choice to make especially when he didn't exactly have a Step Two in that specific plan.]

I'm listening.

[Noctis hesitates again, and this time it's not due to worry but rather a lack of a good answer. He doesn't have a method yet, just... a willingness to try. And because of what Bahamut had done to his head, it's hard to say it outright.]

It's not... I mean, I don't have much more than that. I don't have a plan. I barely have an idea. It more like- I need help.

[And in truth, he needs to get better at asking for it. He's done okay, more or less, but he can always get better.]

It probably sounds selfish, coming from me. I've barely lived. But I want to. I want to have a future. I want to help rebuild the world. There's- there's so much work to do. Is that the footnote I'm gonna leave? Just take a nap, die, and leave all the hard stuff for everyone else? And you'll just be the villain in everyone's story? After everything we went through- is that good enough?

[He's said too much, and he can feel the headache brewing. But it's worth it. It's worth every word. It's what he feels, and... he wants it known. He's held it in for so long.]

[Truthfully, part of him wanted to just start laughing. Not because it was funny, except maybe in a cosmic sort of way, but because it was just an immense relief. How many times now had he kept exactly that sentiment quiet, because daring to give it a voice was hoping for more than he ever should have asked for? Because it would have been a terrible betrayal to do anything but accept his fate for the relative mercy it was?]

[Ardyn inhaled slowly and took a drink to collect his thoughts--it really was excellent wine, he'd have to remember that next time he went to Shoremere.]

What others think of me after the fact is--well, I can't say it doesn't sting a bit, but I wouldn't exactly be around to hear it. I said I was fine with my own fate as it was set out before us; after all this time, the idea of dying is not the worst thing imaginable. And I meant that. Before I say anything else, I need you to realize nothing I said on that subject was ever a lie, and if that should be how it happens in the end I can accept my part in it.

[He set the glass down, focusing directly on Noctis--as tired as ever, but sharp and determined.]

This should never have fallen to you, or to any that came after us--this I still believe wholeheartedly. Whether the fact that it did is the fault of the gods, myself and my brother, or both in part is not something I can determine, but I would bear our mistakes on his behalf as well as my own. Even were such not my responsibility as the Founder's elder brother, it's my responsibility as the...source of the problem, such as it is.

[That part was impossible to overlook; Ardyn's past mistakes were nothing compared to his future ones, and Noctis knew that better than anyone. If they could accomplish nothing else, Ardyn at least wanted to prevent becoming that thing wearing a healer's corpse.]

All this to say...you don't need to convince me, Noct. Ask for my help, and it will be yours without a second's hesitation.

[There's no shortage of relief at those words, and the change is palpable; Noctis' shoulders slump, his posture relaxes, like some terrible burden has been lifted. And it has and hasn't, in a way. Destiny is heavy and ever present, not something he can ignore. Now, an extra pair of hands have taken on some of the weight. Even if they fail, if they're unable to find another way, it's... it's nice to know he's not alone in this, that he's not going against Ardyn's wishes when they'd already agreed to go along with their fate. To hear that Ardyn is entirely on board - both that they should give it a try, and that if they fail it's back to Plan A without argument because the world matters more - is a major shift. He'd had Pyra's support already, and would never have reached this point without her. He's grateful, and always will be. Ardyn being directly involved in that fate just makes it hit differently, is all.

At last he can muster a smile, offering a hand out- the one with the glove, where the gods had left their covenants. This covenant is all their own.]

Help me, then. Help us. We deserve to live a real life before we die. At the very least we deserve a chance to try.

[He still couldn't quite bring himself to say it in so many words. Admitting out loud to anyone--even himself--that he wanted to live felt like it would jeopardize the entire thing and risk the fate of the world. It might or might not make Noctis hesitate, but Ardyn knew damn well it would be a weight he didn't want to acknowledge on his own shoulders on top of everything else. Better to just ignore it, knowing how unlikely such an outcome was. If the impossible came to pass, it would be a pleasant surprise that way.]

Anything you need from me is yours. We're family, after all, and partners in this whole messy affair whether we like it or not. [He reached over and took Noctis' hand with his own, smiling.] And even that aside, I have the terrible affliction of never being able to deny help to anyone who asks it of me.

[It feels more real now, solid as the hand holding his own, and Noctis feels that much better for it. It isn't much in the long run, but it's still a huge step, and he's self-aware enough to acknowledge that. To rebel against fate... to defy the gods, even just to look for another way... it goes against everything he is and has been his whole life. He's always been obedient. He's accepted the cards dealt, with frustration and sadness and ultimately resignation, and it's caused him nothing but pain. Some of it was his own fault. Some of it was inevitable. The same could be said of Ardyn, and Somnus, and his father, and their entire line. To be human is to make mistakes. To him, the punishment doesn't feel like it fits the crime.

The gods... they fought each other, they decimated parts of the world that still show those scars millennia later. He'd witnessed parts of the war of the Astrals. Those memories are within him now, albeit fuzzy and locked away to protect him, and the impressions of them still remain. Gods aren't infallible. That means even Bahamut can be wrong.

It's a strange secondary realization, and he holds on to it for as long as he can bear before a corner of his temple starts to throb and he knows he's pushing it. But that thought isn't going anywhere, and the good news is: the more he shares with Ardyn - who will understand and carry this knowledge through what he knows of Eos, their world's history, the gods, who won't have the weight of the Crystal's memory and Bahamut's influence halting such thoughts and can thus think more deeply on them - the better chance they have.

So. Here goes.]

Cool. Okay... that's cool. Let's do some heresy.

[Ardyn would have been lying to say he wasn't bitter in some measure. It would have been completely ridiculous of him not to be, after everything. It killed him to admit, but though his future self was unforgivable...it was understandable, in a sick and twisted way. Of course he was angry. Of course he'd been driven mad by the weight of eternity in darkness, of unanswered prayer and betrayal before then and the memories of a vengeful god after it. And while he blessedly lacked that last factor, the lack of it colored the rest with a painful clarity that was both harmful and beneficial. He couldn't hate Somnus no matter how much easier it would have been that way. He couldn't go on assuming he'd been right and his brother wrong, because it had never been so black and white and they had both been foolish to not recognize it.]

[No matter how much he brushed it aside, Ardyn was still angry. He did, in some small dark corner of his mind, want fair retribution--if that meant some measure of vengeance, so be it. But that had to be directed at the root cause of the issue; not Somnus, not Noctis, and not a world that had done nothing wrong except forget him.]

[...If the blame for all of this truly did lie with the source of the power that turned a healer into a monster, then wasn't it fair that the monster the gods created be turned against them? Or was that the kind of mindset which led that monster to cause so much havoc in the first place?]

[He shook his head as if dismissing a particularly unsettling thought, focusing on Noctis again and leaning forward slightly.]

Tell me what it is you're thinking. I can not claim I know exactly where to start.

[That makes two of them, technically, but he has an inkling of a starting point, so okay. Time to talk through it.]

The memories in the crystal... Pyra and I started looking through them. At first it was just to learn more, to see if I'm supposed to get anything from them, but now it's a resource for different ideas. Stuff people have tried before. Solheim research we'd never have access to otherwise. Conversations the gods or past kings might've had. It's- it's so much, and half the time I feel like I'm drowning in it- I can only manage a few at a time. But it might have the answer, if we knew where to look.

[He remembers with more clarity a similar conversation from a year ago, as they approach the anniversary of when those memories had almost killed him, when Pyra split her crystal and the light gleaming beneath his shirt spared him, as it continues to do every day since. It had gone in a very different direction, as a desperate, depressed sense of loyalty had kept him clinging to the promises he'd made. He'd been willing, still, to lay down his life if it meant saving everyone else, if it meant not disappointing the dynasty and everyone he's ever loved, who for some reason still believed in him.

"It's not like we've been given a better alternative. Thousands of years of history and I think if someone had come up with a better idea, it would've stuck out."

"Maybe it's simply that no one thought to try."

"Won't the world be better? Without daemons, without us?"

"Can either of us really trust that's where it will stop?"

No one did.
And maybe it won't be.
And maybe they can't.

So screw it, they're going to try. If they fail, it's back to square one. But if they prove Bahamut wrong, then the world would be that much better- because if it doesn't stop there, then they'll be around to stop whatever comes next.]

You were there when it started. And no one alive knows more about the scourge than you. Maybe if we had a clue of where to start looking, when to search... I don't know, it might make more sense if we had a path to follow instead of just shooting blind. I don't know if Pyra can bring you along for it, or if it's just for us two because of this- [He taps a knuckle against the stone beneath his neck,] But we could at least pick your brain about it, and share what we find.

[Ardyn listened intently, even as he started to look more and more uneasy as Noctis elaborated. Memory and the amalgamation thereof was a difficult subject for both of them, for alarmingly similar reasons.]

I...don't quite know how much I might be able to offer with that. Maybe if I actually did have Ifrit's memories as Verstael said I eventually would, but as it is there's only so much even I know. The scourge already existed when Somnus and I were children, and I can only remember myth and legend of how it came to be in the first place. Even then, my memory is far from reliable even on a good day.

[It wasn't a refusal, of course, but honest uncertainty. Ardyn frowned and rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, thinking it over.]

Gods, it makes me ill to say I almost wish he and his blasted research were here, but... [Sighing, Ardyn muttered that in resigned disgust before shaking it off.] I'm not certain where or when would be the correct place to begin. I remember it was said to be a byproduct of the Astral War, but whether that is even truth or not is something I've never known.

[Noctis frowns, trying not to let himself be too disappointed about it. Ifrit's memories might have helped with this, but they'd have hindered everything else including Ardyn being himself, so the trade-off isn't even close to being worthwhile. But if the answer could possibly be found there, then that's something they can explore on their own. Ifrit's memories should be part of the Crystal's, too- it's just a very large pool in which to dip.]

Ifrit, and the Astral War... [His voice is quiet, thoughtful.] Rumours can be based on truth, so maybe we'll find something there. It's a place to start, at least.

[Noctis opens his mouth to continue, then pauses, frowning.]

Hang on. "His research"- you mean that Besithia guy? His research is here, isn't it? He's gone, but his research center's still in town. Collecting dust, probably, but I don't think it up and disappeared with him.

As I remember the story going, it was said the scourge was Ifrit’s punishment wrought upon Solheim, and that was when the rest of the Astrals intervened. At…least I think that was the most common tale? I also recall hearing the Meteor was what caused it, or that the former called down the latter. It’s as I said—a mess of legends even back then.

[Ardyn paused himself at the mention of the research center, looking thoughtful.]

It…should be? I’ve not gone anywhere near it, and I don’t know of anyone who has. Much as I hate to say it, he would know far more than me about how the scourge actually works in more than the abstract. But do you think there would be anything pertaining to it there?

[Noctis nods along, though he's doubtful of any validity to the Meteor claim. Ifrit was the scourge-infected Astral, not Titan, and he'd been holding up the Meteor for ages without any ill-effects. And he hadn't felt anything corruptive in the area, whereas Solheim ruins were always teeming with daemons. The former is probably a better place to start than the latter. He'll file the story away regardless, because it never hurts to check. ...And seeing a memory of Titan catching the Meteor would be pretty badass, actually.]

I don't know if we'd find anything. I never wanted to look through his stuff, never had a reason. But if it's to save our asses, then yeah, I can endure it, probably. Who knows what kind of stuff Niflheim dug up while they were raiding the old ruins?

[Whether or not he can understand all the scientific drivel is another thing entirely, but maybe Pyra won't mind helping out with that, too.]

Oh— [He brightened up slightly as a thought came to mind; whether it amounted to anything was up in the air, but as long as they were throwing things at the wall…]

If that proves unhelpful, is there a way to access the Solheim ruins themselves? Or whatever memories of them you can find, rather. I know of a fair few—there was one particular underwater structure I visited with Aera several times. She studied ancient history far more than I ever cared to.

…Well, exceptionally ancient, now.

Edited (phone tagging ) 2022-09-26 18:12 (UTC)

[That nets an amused noise out of Noctis, and he takes another swig of the wine. It feels a lot more celebratory than commiseratory now.]

We came across a few underwater ruins, though we only managed to get inside one of them. Are you talking about Steyliff Grove?

I think it was called something to that effect, yes. Hard to forget, with the suspended water for a ceiling. [He leaned his head on one hand, looking thoughtful.] Then there was that tower to the south, or what was left of it.

I don't know how much simply having been there and studied the ruins would help, but it's something, should we find a lack of research materials elsewhere.

Costlemark? We went there too. [He... has been to a lot of ruins, at this point.] I didn't see anything that would count as research material there, but they always had loads of daemons.

[He drums against the table, mulling over the idea.] Those ruins ran deep. Like... way underground. We must've gone down for miles, and when we reached the end we could still see cables and machinery going even further down. Maybe they dug way too deep and found something nobody wanted. Do you know about any ruins that go deep underground?

[Ardyn said nothing, lapsing into the deep concentration of someone trying to navigate memories as worn down and broken as the ruins of Solheim themselves. Staring at the half-empty glass in front of him without seeing it, a long silence passed before he began to form a response.]

I think-...I can't be entirely certain, but I can almost remember Aera mentioning one other. We--I don't think we ever had the time to venture quite so far as Ravatogh, but I'm almost sure she spoke of another rumored to be somewhere in that region. Do you know anything about that?

Ravatogh... we climbed the volcano, but I didn't see any ruins directly. There were some weird lights to the north of it, though- reminded me of some of the Niff's magitek field generators. If there were ruins over there, They'd have set up tech nearby for their research.

[Makes him wonder what else could be out there.]

...Come to think of it, they found Ifrit on Ravatogh, didn't they? He ended up there after the Astral War.

That's what I was told by Verstael, so that legend at least is proven fact. He was chasing traces of Solheim and the scourge alike, to the best of my recollection, so it's logical he would have found his way to the Infernian's alleged resting place. It then follows that you may very well have brushed past whatever else they thought worth examination if you were there.

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