hugtopia_logs | happy birthday to u

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happy birthday to u

♥ Who: sad rawna kids, maybe less sad other people
♥ Where: rawna’s house
♥ When: 7/4-7/8
♥ What: canon update party
♥ Rating: prolly pg for intense worry

This was not how the afternoon was supposed to go.

It was really just supposed to be a little lounge in the afternoon. Kai had taken Bug out for a little romp in the sunshine, let the little guy stretch its… uh… rind? Get its roll on. Enjoy that one patch of grass for a while, a fruitbug needed some quality time outside sometimes, probably. Kai did at least. Playing with the orange eventually devolved into just sitting around for a bit as it rolled around, and that eventually led to laying back to watch the clouds roll by. Had there been any plans for dinner? Was the kind of idle thought that passed by. Maybe when all three of them were home, they could try making oyakodon or something together. That seemed like a good time.

When idle thoughts and lazy clouds became a nap, he didn’t know.

He didn’t wake up when Rawna’s priests came and picked him up. He didn’t wake up when Bug squeaked at them either, so he missed all the erratic circles it rolled around them as they went off to the temple.

It rolled all the way there, and all the way back, rolling around in obvious circles in the yard until someone it knew came home. Was it you? Yes? Well, better follow that fruit cuz there it went down the road to Rawna’s house.

The priests were kind of expecting them. Even with the mishaps that had happened, Rawna’s priests were familiar enough with this group to know that there was one pertinent reason Shinji or Kyoko would have shown up right now…. Even if they didn’t yet. Yes, their friend was this way. Yes, they could visit with him.

He didn’t wake up then, either.

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Ahh, there we go. Just having her here was a relief, but having her right next to him, having her hand on him, that really gets through to him.

"Kyoko," he exhales, shoulders sagging as that breath takes some of his tension away. As though that tension was keeping him together, though, his voice becomes as shaky as his hands as a result. "Can you... can you stay, too?" Even if it's just for a while, "I don't... I don't know if I can trust myself to - to stay, if I'm alone."

Maybe when he gets his head on straight, he won't feel like immediately bolting the moment he's by himself, but for now, that company will help him keep himself accountable.

"I'll stay," the words spill out quickly, like an admission, though that wouldn't make sense. "I wanna stay. Even if you need to leave, I--I'll stay here with him." For Kaito's sake? For Shinji's? Kyoko is sure both of those have a part in it, but she knows it's all really for herself. Walking away right now is unfathomable.

But her hand squeezes a little tighter around Shinji's arm. "But... not yet. At least for a little while, don't go anywhere."

"I don't want to," not right now - and not at all. If it's left up to him, he wants to stay, even if he's not sure how much he could take of it on his own. "If you're here... I'll stay."

There's a little more to it than that, though, isn't there? Like this wouldn't be just for his own benefit, but if Kai were to wake up to the both of them waiting for him... "I know that... Kai would be happy if you were here, too." The two people he loves, waiting for him to return to them, wouldn't that be an ideal way to come back?

Of course, she hopes he'd be happy to see her. Kaito has made it abundantly clear that he likes having her around, so there's really no argument against that. Shinji is the most important, but having both of them be there will just make for an even warmer welcome back to the world of the conscious, right?

So it's settled. Kyoko lets her head dip a bit, not quite a nod, but a quiet agreement all the same. "Let's wait for him together."

Together. Perfect.

"Right," he agrees quietly, finally really registering the hand gripping his arm so tightly. He glances down at her hand before slowly moving his hand out toward her, palm up. This will be more comfortable for the both of them, right?

"Here."

That motion and that soft word draw her gaze down to the offered hand, and she blinks. She hadn't even been thinking about how tightly she was gripping him.

But at least it doesn't seem to be entirely unwelcome. With the tiniest of nods, Kyoko slips her hand down Shinji's arm to curl her hand around his. "... Thank you."

What the heck is she thanking him for? It doesn't seem like he's asking her to do anything she doesn't want, but isn't this just a kind of selfish request on his part? He doesn't have it in himself to really argue, however, only accept her company with as much grace as he can manage. She's being kind to him, and to Kai, so he just shakes his head very gently.

"Thank you, for staying." He needs this, he knows it. He'd never forgive himself if he succumbed to his own anxieties and just... left Kai like this. He didn't deserve that. And even knowing what he knows of Kai's feelings for her, there's no one that would have been more reassuring to have at his side under these circumstances.

"I'm glad you're here."

She's thanking you for holding her hand, you dingus.

It might not seem like it, with how insistent Kyoko can be about avoiding touch, but there are times when she really does need it. If this isn't one of them, what would be?

And, faint pangs of guilt aside, who could she want more to hold her hand right now than Shinji?

"That's my line," she counters softly. "If you weren't here, I don't know what I'd do."

Everyone here is dingus.

But with their powers combined, they can make one competent reaction to their current predicament. "Me neither." Having a warm hand squeezing his own back, knowing that he's not the only person feeling low and lost over Kai, it's endlessly reassuring.

"Do you think... it would help if you took his other hand...?"

Speed up the process, maybe? Or even just... give her some kind of extra reassurance?

Would that help? Kyoko blinks, and lifts her head with a frown. "I've never heard anything about that," she says slowly, "but... it would make sense, right?"

After everything else, what reason is there to believe the gods would be against putting someone into a coma until a touch quota is reached? Jeez... it would make more sense to target her for something like that.

So, stepping in closer to Kaito, she gingerly reaches across his slumbering body to take his other hand. Shinji's is squeezed tighter as she gently tugs it nearer, a tremble wracking her frame. Why won't he wake up.

Come on, Kaito, come on.

His own hand tightens around Kyoko's in return, anticipation for something, anything to happen as she takes a hold of Kai's hand. Would it take effect right away, or would they still have to wait? Is this even the correct solution? There are just... so many unknowns here, all he can really think to do is whatever feels plausible.

For a few long moments, his focus is fixed on Kai's face and he holds on to his breath. "Come on," he murmurs breathlessly. Please.

Even with her jostling of his arm, even with the power of two intense gazes and two whole handholds, Kaito doesn't wake up. Kyoko isn't sure how many seconds tick past of the two of them trying to will him awake.

But then Shinji lets out that quiet plea, and suddenly Kyoko is sure it's all useless. How much desperation do the gods need from them? Isn't it enough yet?

Quickly, she shuts her burning eyes. Don't cry now.

No... no, this really isn't doing anything, is it? Shinji's more than willing to wait for however long, but this isn't changing a single thing. Two handholds were only as effective as one handhold, which probably wasn't doing much for Kai in the first place.

He doesn't want to tell Kyoko to stop, not if she doesn't want to, but she shouldn't have to feel like she needs to do this if it's too much. And judging by the look on her face when Shinji steals a glance over to it... this might be her limit.

So, he tugs gently at her hand to get her attention, voice barely above a whisper as he speaks, "That's enough." She doesn't have to push herself to keep this up.

Shinji calling it quits hurts almost as much as anything else. Even if Kyoko doesn't believe they're helping, the idea of throwing in the towel is even sadder than the futility of their efforts. But then, there's probably nothing that will make any of this feel right.

"Sorry," she rasps softly, unable to either open her eyes or let go of Kaito's hand just yet. "I really... really did want it to work."

He can't in good conscience force her to go along with this fruitless plan when it's clearly upsetting her. If she wants to keep a hold of Kai's hand, he won't stop her, but there's an out of it truly is too much.

"I know," he squeaks out, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard to try and dislodge whatever lump is in his throat making his voice sound so tight. "I did, too. But maybe... we can't just speed it up."

Maybe they just need to wait.

Edited (What the hell autocorrect) 2021-07-12 17:04 (UTC)

For a moment or two, Kyoko is quiet. She doesn't move, unwilling to let go of either of these two boys who are so dear to her. This is something they probably can't fix, and there's just no way to feel better about it. She probably can't even do much to comfort Shinji.

But at last she strokes her thumb over the back of his hand anyway, and murmurs, "But... all the same... I think he'd be happy you were holding his hand right now."

What a comfort it is, just that little action from Kyoko. Shinji squeezes her hand tighter for a moment, before relaxing it into a more comfortable grip. Easy now, easy.

"I know... he'd be happy that you have his other one." Knowing what he knows, is it unfair to her to put her in a situation where she might not know what flames of affection that might stoke under regular circumstances? Maybe if he weren't so distressed already, he might be more considerate about it, but right now... gosh, wouldn't it be just as comforting to her to know that she's doing something very right, even when they can't fix the problem in front of them.

Can Shinji possibly know how her heart aches with those words? He's saying it to be nice, she knows, and there's probably even some truth to it. Kaito would probably like it if she held his hand too. He probably wouldn't mind if they climbed right into that bed with his comatose body. That's the way he is.

So she knows there's no meaning behind Shinji's words, it's just her fool heart acting up with inconvenient emotions again. Nothing she needs to let him worry about, especially not right now. So after a brief pause, Kyoko gives a tiny nod.

"Then... let's stay like this just a little longer."

That might become an enticing idea much later on, actually. For now, no, there will be no extra cozy three-to-a-one-person-cot sleepovers in Rawna's temple. Hand holding is enough for now, one hand to keep every other occupied.

"Mmm," he nods, just a little bit. "I'd like that, too."

For his own reassurance, for hers, for Kai's, even if he's not awake to enjoy it. Perhaps, once he's back with them, he'll be able to hear all about it, about how endlessly kind Kyoko was in keeping him - both of them - company. About how deeply she wanted to fix this problem.

It might not have the power to fix anything, it might even add a few extra pangs to Kyoko's heart, but this is undoubtedly the best way to see this nightmare through--for all three of them. There is a part of her that's sure they'd both think she was overstepping if they realized the truth of her feelings, but it's overshadowed by everything else. Shinji and Kaito don't know, and they'll never know, so this is fine, right? Being there for them is more important than repenting for her transgressions.

Still, she tears her eyes away from Kaito long enough to look sidelong at Shinji, and sends him a silent apology from her heart. There's nothing to say right now, so she'll only stroke her thumb over his hand again as she looks away. For him, too, she's doing her best now.

Edited 2021-07-13 15:42 (UTC)

She's doing great, they're both doing their best.

With nothing left to be said, there's no reason to not lapse into a comfortable silence. This time it's not an oppressive quiet, with the benefit of having someone else there. In spite of all the distress and worry gnawing at him, having Kyoko here instills a sense of calmness in his heart. This turn is a survivable one, and if there's one message his heart wants to send to her, it's 'Thank you'. Thank you for being here, for staying, for keeping him from crashing.

And so, they wait.

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happy birthday to u

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