Don't Worry, Be Happy??

[firstbump]

♥ Who: Ardbert, Gaius, Emet-Selch, Era, Estinien, and potentially others (so, mostly closed except CR?)
♥ Where: Their two houses
♥ When: A span of time after the untempering plot from last week. Various scenes.
♥ What: Dealing with the aftermath
♥ Rating: PG-13 because I'm sure someone will have a filthy mouth.

The days after they succeed feel strange, like a moment stuck in time. But they succeeded, and there are days after. It's a start.

Comments

[astralera]

Head still full of what seems like bees, Era somehow manages to form words and sound wry at the same time:

"I think it was the anemia."

[firstbump]

"Shh, let me have this moment." Ardbert squeezes her hand. "The anemia just means you can't handle me right now."

[astralera]

"It means less oxygen in my blood." She bites back a laugh. "I'll be fainting a lot the next few weeks."

[firstbump]

"All because of me." Ardbert quips back.

[astralera]

"Shaking my head too quickly... Standing or sitting up too quickly... Being startled, or overwhelmed..." Her good humour fades somewhat as she thinks of how miserable her next few weeks—months, if she's unlucky—will be as she recovers. "Weakened immune system... Fortunately there have yet to be any natural illnesses to worry about here."

[firstbump]

Ardbert drops the joke, squeezing her hand a bit tighter. "It'll be all right. We'll make sure of it. Just as you and the others took care of me, it's time for us to take care of you. Then it'll eventually be someone else's turn, and the cycle will continue."

[astralera]

She keeps her gaze downcast, not meeting his eyes. "You've been taking care of me so much since you arrived... I burden you with so much, and you get a pittance in return."

[firstbump]

Ardbert wish he knew what to say to make her doubts disappear. It feels like she's slipping away from him. Their closeness hasn't changed, and neither has their love, but he can't figure out how to give her the relief she so desperately needs.

She's in no condition to argue, nor is he. They'll just go in circles again. Ignoring what she said is also out of the question.

He squeezes her hand and smooths his thumb along a couple of times as he thinks, letting her know he intends to reply.

"... It'd be unfair for me to start a disagreement with you since you're recovering from having all but killed yourself in order to save the soul of our boyfriend, you know." He teases seriously, trying to keep himself only worrying a bit. "But I feel we are even. You know this. And I know you don't feel the same. Why do you feel this way?"

[astralera]

"No, I killed myself proper," she quietly corrects, the hint of a joke in her voice. "Fortunately it didn't quite stick."

It would be nice if that would distract him from the question he asked, but Era knows better than to get her hopes up. Ardbert is arguably more stubborn than she is when he feels like it. Still, she takes her time answering just in case he does drop the topic.

"...There is always something wrong. I helped you re-adjust to being alive... But for over a year it has been one thing or another you've been supporting me through... It's been hard on you...and I've not been supportive and considerate of you in return."

There is a very clear aura of shame oozing from her every word.

[firstbump]

Oh, gods, that actually gets a bit of a chuckle out of Ardbert. Dark humor. It's sometimes the only thing keeping you going.

"You've never had to hold still before. Never had to simply.. be. Of course you're struggling with it. I had my childhood, and I've had my years adrift to get used to it." Ardbert shifts her hand slightly closer to him. "Still, you find it within you to support me in every way that you can right now. You find ways to let me support you when I need that. Era... I don't regret marrying you, even for a moment. You've never seen me at my lowest. Never seen me when I was utterly broken. I already was there, and I already clawed myself back to being nothing more than existing when I was drawn to your room in the Pendants."

He smiles sadly. "It's not your fault you weren't there. No one was. No one could have been. ... but I can be here for you now, and that means the world to me. I'd rather be here."

Ardbert squeezes her hand tighter. "Even if it isn't perfect. Even if one of us is hurting worse than the other. The shoe will be on the other foot sometime, and then you'll be there to support me. That's what marriage means. Through thick and thin. You've done so much for so many people, Era. It's finally time someone does something for you."

[astralera]

It wasn't her fault she wasn't there, but that doesn't lessen the pain she feels, nor the guilt that she couldn't have spared him that suffering. She exhales, letting out a weary sigh that is soul-deep.

"I've done barely a thing in this world," Era tells him, disagreeing. "I'm... selfish."

[firstbump]

"You have done things for this world. And for me. And for everyone around you." Ardbert forces his smile to stay by feeling his love for her. "It's not the epic adventures you're used to, I know. ... and after everything you've done, you deserve to be a little selfish."

[astralera]

"All I've done is hurt people." She finds herself sniffing and her eyes blurring with tears, and she would feel far more mortified by this if she had the energy to care. "I don't deserve it, Ardbert."

[firstbump]

Gentle worry washes over Ardbert's face. Just holding her hand isn't enough anymore. He squeezes her hand tightly before letting it go and sitting up to move Hythlo backwards. It's a good thing the amaro sleeps like the dead, not even noticing as he's gently dragged and made comfortable again.

"You do, Era. ... come, let me hold you." Then he climbs gently over the youngling and moves over to his wife, putting his arm around her upper back as he settles his head on her pillow.

[astralera]

Even knowing what a heavy sleeper Hythlo is, Era still frets that he might wake. It isn't until a few very long moments of stillness and silence that she finally relaxes into his touch...though a tenseness Ardbert would be all too familiar with lingers in the muscles around her healed stab wound.

"I don't deserve it," Era repeats, tired and defeated.

[firstbump]

Not wanting to entirely invalidate her feelings, Ardbert responds by first kissing the scales on her nose to give himself time to think, and all he can come up with is a very simple question. "Why?"

He wants to refute everything she says, gentle and loving, like he always does, whilst listening to her. But that hasn't worked so far. He needs to try something else. Gods, it's hard....

[astralera]

"Because," she whispers, voice strangled with emotion. "I didn't want to come back."

[firstbump]

Ardbert knows she's in physical pain, which is why he came to her rather than moving her to him. But he had no idea how deep her emotional pain was. Eyes wide, mouth open without sound.

She still came back, but not on her own; Hades had saved her.

Overcome with emotions himself, Ardbert closes his eyes and presses his forehead to Era's, moving his hand to cradle the back of her head. "Oh, Era...."

[astralera]

"After He was gone—" Era chokes on a tiny sob she tries to hold back, voice breaking. "We didn't want to leave him again."

[firstbump]

Hem and Era.

Ardbert's voice breaks, too. "H-He didn't want you to leave him again, either. He wanted you here, with us, as do I...."

[astralera]

Them and Hemera.

"I can't...remember...what happened? Just... feelings..." She shares. "We were so...angry at Him...for being there as if He had a rightful claim. For hurting him."

Even now Era bristles angrily at the recollection.

"He was Azem's first. Mine and yours and hers. Ours... It was like being whole again. Home again... Why would we want to leave?"

[firstbump]

We. He was there, too. Ardbert swallows.

"Ours. We couldn't just leave him..." He whispers. "The last thing I remember was feeling like I was coming home. I can't imagine how it felt for you. For all of us."

[astralera]

It was intimate, she thinks. More intimate than anything she could have ever imagined, and she did that to him without his consent...

She shudders, sniffing back more tears.

[firstbump]

Ardbert strokes his hand slowly down her back, not saying a word. She needs time to think. They both do.