Ardbert and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Month of April

[firstbump]

♥ Who: Ardbert and Friends
♥ Where: His house with Era, Various Places
♥ When: The Month of April
♥ What: Ardbert dealing with the sudden disappearance of Emet-Selch; various wildcards
♥ Rating: PG-13 because Ardbert sometimes says bad words.

After the loss of Emet-Selch, Era Ra emotionally shuts down, and Ardbert doesn't know what to do. He's gone from having the support of two incredible people as he relearned how to live to having no one. Realizing he doesn't have the life skills to take care of himself and Era, not to mention their Amaro chick, Hythlodaeus, Ardbert will have to learn it's all right to ask for help from people he's barely had a chance to know or doesn't know at all.

While he's clean, and so are his clothes (for now), his otherwise looks like shit. He hasn't shaved since Emet-Selch disappeared and has a terrible five o'clock shadow that perfectly compliments the lines of exhaustion around his eyes. All of his happiness, all of his hope for the future, has for now been utterly sucked out of him. It almost feels like being alive again was a mistake.

Comments

[For Era, Discovery of Loss]

[firstbump]

It's been a quiet morning of Ardbert finding for himself and Hythlo. He's fairly confident in his ability to take care of the two of them, and he gets something already made for his breakfast and reheats it as he feeds the amaro. Ardbert figures Hades and Era are both off somewhere.

Eventually, though, he begins to wonder. Neither usually leave him alone without warning, and he himself always talks to someone before he goes out. So when the little amaro is napping, he goes to find them.

When he knocks on Era's door and doesn't hear a response or sense anyone, he slowly opens it and peers in. No one. Perhaps she's with Hades, spending a quiet morning in?

He checks that door next, knocking on it gently. Ardbert can sense someone behind this door. Era's in there. But... he can't quite tell if there's only one presence or two. There should be two, he would think.

"Era?" There's no response. "Era, I know you're in there." He tries the door, but it's locked. "Era?"

Ardbert reasons she must be deeply asleep or something. Best not to knock again until later. She'll come out eventually.

By mid-afternoon, Ardbert realizes she's not coming out and tries knocking at the door again during Hythlo's next nap. "Era?"

Nothing.

Panic rises in his chest. "Answer me, dammit! Are you okay? Era!" Nothing, and his voice raises and breaks, frantic. "I'll—I'll bust in through the wall if you don't answer me, right now!"

CW for Grief capital G + bad coping methods

[astralera]

Era recalls waking from a nightmare to the warmth of Hades. he hadn't even truly woken up, merely pulled her more securely into his arms, murmuring something intelligible yet soothing against her horn. Whatever had frightened her so deeply in her dreams was quickly forgotten in the face of the comfort Hades offered her so freely.

It did not take long at all to slip back into slumber.

•••

When she wakes once more it's to a bed that is both empty and devoid of warmth. She wonders if perhaps this is another nightmare. It wouldn't be the first time her fear of losing her dear heart crept into her dreams, twisting them into something so horrifically real.

Era rolls over to where Hades last laid, a shiver running through her as she leaves the warmth of her own spot. It still smells of him, and she wraps the blankets around herself, cocooning herself in the scent that lingers.

•••

The heavy weight of his aether is still absent when next she wakes. Fear has crept in like ice in her veins, snatching away her breath as surely as the frigid peaks of Abalathia's Spine.

It's just a nightmare. That's all this is.

The waking world is out of reach until dawn comes, and Hades will be there with his warm, comforting arms when it does.

He's not gone, she reassures herself. He can't be gone.

There was still so much lost time to make up for.

She still hasn't even given him his ring.

•••

Something wakes her up. A knocking on the door.

Hades?

But then Ardbert speaks. She flares her aether angrily.

Of course she's fine. She just needs this nightmare to end.

•••

«He's gone.»

Era refuses to acknowledge it.

«You can't sleep forever.»

I can try.

«You'll die.»

I'm too stubborn to die.

•••

Her scales itch horribly and Era wishes she could just wake up, because then Hades could help her like he always does. He hates it when she picks at them, but not even the ring he gave her can distract her fingers from the itchy scales that all but beg to be ripped free of her flesh.

«You need to eat.»

You don't need to eat in dreams.

•••

There is food outside of Hades' door again. She nearly trips over the tray as she steps out to use the bathroom. She frowns.

«Eat.»

I'm not hungry.

«You are.»

It would be a waste.

Her Darkside goes silent until she steps around the tray on her way back to bed.

«It's not your fault.»

Era says nothing.

•••

It comes as no surprise to her when she wakes up on the floor, her head feeling as though it's been filled with honeybees and skull pounding from where she hit it on the floor.

Despite it all, Era feels the faintest bit energized from the aether Carbuncle returned to her.

•••

She is hungry.

Her stomach has refused what little bits of food she tried to consume that day, but at her Darkside's urging she managed the juice left at her door.

She has no appetite, yet she needs to eat. Can feel the Light creeping its way through her, slowly but surely, like ivy strangling an oak.

It suffocates her.

It's suffocating.

•••

Her hair is so heavy she can barely lift her head any longer. Such a heavy burden. She has so many burdens to bear. Imagine if she could free herself of them as easily as her blade cuts through her tangled mess of curls?

Her head feels lighter.

Her heart feels heavier.

Everything feels so heavy...

•••

She hungers.

It's all she can feel. That deep, gnawing Hunger she cannot ignore any longer.

(It dulls the agony in her heart.)

She barely notices when she leaves Hades' room, walking in an absent daze, following the bright, faint aether she can sense nearby.

'Ardbert', comes her distant, horrified thought.

She struggles briefly in the depths of her mind, trying to come back to the surface (she is needed). It is a futile effort, weighed down as she is by the pieces of her broken heart.

She hungers, and she hasn't the strength to fight it.

[firstbump]

Ardbert reaches out to others when Era doesn't come out of her fugue quickly. Hythlodaeus has prompted him to seek the help he needed more than anything, feeling hopeless about Era (even if she did drink the water and juice he left out) but knowing he couldn't just let himself waste away when the amaro would quickly die without him. Just because people could be revived in this world didn't mean that their little egg would be so lucky.

That, and he knew they would get over this if they could simply stay alive long enough to go through it. So he reached out for help (with payment) and overwhelmingly received it. Ardbert marveled how easy it was for hope to be renewed.

He hears someone's footsteps and knows they can only belong to one person. Ardbert finishes putting away the sandwich meat he was using, closing the door to the fridge. Era sounds... very tired.

"Era?" Ardbert calls, voice hopeful. "Are you hungry? You can have the sandwich I just made if you'd like."

[astralera]

Era's footfalls are soft even now, distant and frail as she is. It's a habit far too deeply ingrained in her (if you make a sound, you die) to ever truly be rid of, though her steps are heavier now than her norm.

Are you hungry?

Yes. No. Yes and no.

Kiyomi's body is hungry. Era's aether hungers.

There is a difference.

She says nothing as she enters the kitchen, feet bare on cold tile she is numb to. Her back is kept warm by a robe far too large for her; it hangs, precarious and lopsided off a shoulder. The sleeves dangle far past her own hands, impeding her use of them, but it isn't as though she has used them for much of anything these past days. The hem of the cloak drags on the floor behind her, a faint sssshh sssshh that weighs heavy in the otherwise silent atmosphere around her. Her tail accompanies it in solidarity, long enough for just the tip to trace the path she walks. Her front is all but bare, save for where the fastening of Hades' robe manages to preserve some echo of modesty. Dwarfed by her partner's garments Era has always seemed small, but never has she looked so frail—a handful of ponzes is a lot to lose when you've so few in the first place.

Era stops a few fulms away from Ardbert, staring at him distantly.

The vibrant blue of her eyes is all but eclipsed by the Light that scars them.

Ardyn, Friday the 3rd

[firstbump]

[Network thread]

Five minutes after he last messages Ardyn, Ardbert is knocking on his door. His little Amaro hatchling is in a sling that Ardbert's fashioned out of some spare cloth that's looped over his back and shoulder so Hythlodaeus can curl up against his stomach. The usual exuberant energy that both of them possess is utterly gone.

While he waits for Ardyn to open the door, he wraps one arm firmly around the amaro chick burrowed into him, the other hand stroking his head. Ardbert's eyes stay downcast, focused on the little one he's suddenly the main parent for. He can't handle this on his own, and he knows it.

But is it really right of him to ask for help? The amount of help is far beyond what he would expect anyone to agree to provide. He's barely able to heat up leftovers and can barely use the replicator. Ardbert regrets what skills he's focused on for his first month here: he should have been focusing on the skills to keep all of them alive. They can't rely on takeout forever, but they can't starve, either.

But if he can't get Era to eat, she eventually will.

[scourgingstars]

Ardyn looked shaken by one thing or another when he answered the door, but he welcomed Ardbert in with a smile all the same.

"Please--make yourself comfortable." The house itself was...perhaps startlingly empty, the only real color or decoration to it a small collection of blue, red, and white sylleblossoms in an unremarkable vase. "We'll see what we can do about all this."

[firstbump]

Ardbert figures it's because he's said that Hades is gone. He looks up. Relief spreads across his face, fighting the fear in his eyes, as he wraps both arms around Hythlo. There's no hesitation for him to walk into the door, looking around for somewhere to sit.

"I-I should've contacted you sooner, but..." He realizes how stupid he's going to sound. "I didn't want to burden anyone. Except letting us starve is stupid and insane and isn't something I can let happen."

This idiot is actively worried about food in a place where that isn't an issue. But he can't wrap his mind around it not being an issue. Or really understand everything he needs to do in order to take care of a household again.

[scourgingstars]

"Now, now, you're not going to starve. Even were resources a legitimate concern in this realm, no one would allow such a thing. Helping others is the only purpose I have ever known, and I would not dare turn away a friend in need of aid."

Ardyn managed a faint laugh, gently guiding Ardbert and Hythlodaeus both to sit on the couch.

"I know this is...difficult, to say the least. But you and Era alike are quite strong-willed; we shall see to it that things work out."

For Pyra

[firstbump]

[From here. Also see description on the post.]

Ardbert comes to the door and unlocks it before opening it. Hythlodaeus is at his shins, letting out a curious 'gwee' as he looks out. Both are subdued.

"Thank you for coming so quickly," Ardbert manages a sad smile for her. "... Please, come inside. I'll explain."

[iustaegis]

She's only met him once before, but anyone who sees a dejected smile like that would be concerned. Pyra is no different, and her brows clink together with worry as she enters. To her credit, she does give a sympathetic smile in return as a greeting to both him and Hythlodaeus. They seem dismal, lost.

"Of course," she replies, bringing a hand to her chest. "My time is yours."

She will follow him wherever he leads, wondering if she might see Era inside.

[firstbump]

He bends down just enough to rub Hythlo's head before stepping away from the door so she can enter. "I appreciate it, thank you."

Ardbert's clearly going over in his mind what he wants to say. He needs help, but he doesn't want to overly burden anyone. It's a hard balance to thread considering how bad the situation is.

[iustaegis]

With his thanks, he falls to silence, and she follows in after him. Something is wrong, and he had mentioned he would explain, but now she wonders if it would be too much to ask.

"Erm... You needn't thank me, ah, not when no meal have been made yet," she replies, and although her words are well-meaning, they do not come without a tinge of uncertainty. "Is Era here?"

[astralera]

Ardbert is reading in his armchair when Era takes Hythlodaeus out to her garden, letting him play amongst the asphodels while she resumes her work. There is still much to do, which is just as well—tedious, physical labour is something Era is accustomed to.

Had it not been for her chick's presence she would have lost track of time. But Hythlo pesters her after an hour, hungry and demanding attention. She acquiesces, feeding him a snack with what's grown thus far in her garden. Once his belly is full it doesn't take long for him to grow tired, leaving Era to scoop him up into her arms (with a great deal of effort) and carry him inside to bed.

Caring for Hythlodaeus brings her some measure of contentment where all else fails. She strokes his soft plumage as she tucks him into his nest, right alongside his small plush chocobo. She lingers, stroking down the line of his beak until he finally succumbs to sleep, then continues for a few minutes longer after.

Eventually Era forces herself back to her feet, wavering slightly as a bout of lightheadedness strikes her. She shuffles to the kitchen and drinks a glass of juice, then begins preparing a few more days worth of food for them all. Preparing the ingredients eats away at more time, and she drags it out for as long as possible, wanting to keep busy.

But there's only so far she can stretch out the task, and too soon she has a few casseroles frozen and ready to be baked, and a slow cooker stuffed with stew that will be ready by dinner.

She cleans up afterward, then is left standing idly in the kitchen, unsure of what to do. The past few days she has caught up with all the chores save for gardening, leaving her at a loss for what to do now to fill her time.

Era checks up on Hythlodaeus and sees that he's still sleeping soundly.

Ardbert is sleeping as well if the snoring is any indication. She decides to check up on him, walking slowly to the living room to do just that.

He's reclined in his armchair, fast asleep with a book on his chest. Era picks up the book, marks off the page, then places it off to the side. Her attention shifts back to his face, taking in the signs that he has been struggling, too.

Her heart has been in constant pain since she woke up alone that day, yet it still finds a way to hurt all the more as she thinks of how much pain she has been causing Ardbert.

He deserves so much better...

Era crawls onto his lap and curls up against his broad chest, horn angled in a way to feel the beat of his heart most prominently.

One day he will find someone better, but for now she is all he has.

[firstbump]

Ardbert hears when Era comes back in and puts the amaro to bed, then when she comes back to start making food in the kitchen. Hearing noises from the kitchen is reassuring, perhaps too reassuring. Slowly, the sounds lull him into a nap, as he knows he doesn't have to worry about her for the moment, and he puts his book on his chest before closing his eyes.

The position isn't the best nor the worst, making his snores soft. He seems tired even in his sleep, stressed out and worried. It's better than it has been with Era now up and moving around, but he's not his usual happy and chipper self. Never does he blame Era for his pain, even if she is much of the cause. Her grief is immeasurable. Ardbert's pain cannot even begin to compare and much of it is temporary.

His expression eases unconsciously when she climbs into his lap, and without waking, he shifts himself and wraps his arms around her waist. It's enough to interrupt his snoring but not enough to wake him.

[astralera]

Era stiffens as she feels him shift, snoring disrupted, and arms snaking around her waist. She exhales a quick, anxious breath, doing her best to keep the growing surge of panic at bay. If there's one thing she can be thankful for it's that she no longer needs to fear drowsiness. She remains still, having no desire to wake Ardbert up, and focuses on more calming things. The rhythmic beating of his heart. The pattern of his soft snores. The warmth that radiates from him.

All reminders that he is alive. That he is still here, and not returned to a state of non-existence within her soul.

[firstbump]

Eventually he stirs, as even Ardbert can't nap forever. He starts to stretch as he comes to, then stops and quickly opens his eyes to look down. Open mouthed surprise then a shy, hopeful smile.

"Morning," He greets her, his heart lifting.

She hasn't felt like touching him at all. Any contact in recent days had been initiated by him, and then he, too, had stopped. Era had always obliged him, but it had felt hollow and fake. Just plain wrong, like he was taking advantage of her.

But here she was now in his arms, listening to his heartbeat like she always had.

Ardyn's new (old??) abode

[firstbump]

A few days after Era starts to regain enough of her old self that Ardbert feels up to leaving her side again, he comes knocking at Ardyn's door (or ring's the doorbell if they have one of those). Or, well, the door to the residence that Ardyn has moved himself into. Somehow, Ardbert remembered his manners enough to call ahead and ask Ardyn if he could visit since he needed to talk talk to someone, too. If he had been in a better mental state, Ardbert would have helped him.

With Era making up for lost time with Hythlodaeus, Ardbert can actually come by himself. He waits for someone to answer the door, looking around at the world around him. Things... look a bit different. Better. It's not okay yet, but it will be.

[kingkingcxiii]

Regis has seen Ardbert a few times in passing before he actually gets the chance to greet the young man. On this day, though, he is the one who opens the door, a welcoming, if tired look on his face. As he waves Ardbert in, the reason for the tiredness might become clear. For once, it's not mental exhaustion from all that has been going on, but just physical as the riot of different colored bottles on a nearby table--some full of a softly glowing liquid, some not--make it clear he has been working on potions this morning.

"I must apologize. Ardyn had to step out for a moment, but he will return shortly. May I offer you a drink or a snack while you wait?"

[firstbump]

Ardbert had seen Regis in passing, too, but never gotten to speak with him properly. He's mildly surprised to see him answering the door, and the potions distract him from immediately saying hello. It's the change in scent he notices first followed by the sight of them.

He's looking a bit tired himself, although not as weary as he had been when Hades had first vanished.

"No need to apologize; I've been meaning to say hello to you eventually anyway," Ardbert shrugs and smiles, which reaches his eyes. "If you don't mind, I'd like a bit of both. ... I entirely forgot to eat something before I came over. Kinda went through something similar to Ardyn, so ah, I forget things still."

Apologies for the delay! End of month is a rough time at work.

[kingkingcxiii]

"You were imprisoned?" Way to activate 'Fussing Dad' mode two seconds after meeting Regis, Ardbert. Fortunately, common sense, or at least common courtesy, follow a few moments after 'Fussing Dad' mode, "Apologies. You don't have to answer that if you don't wish to. Unlike Ardyn's story, yours isn't one of family legend."

He motions for Ardbert to take a seat while he starts toward the kitchen, "Do you like fruit tarts? The ones that young Ignis makes are to die for even with the strange ingredients we have to deal with here from time to time."

[scourgingstars]

Ardyn was, in fact, just a bit late--he hadn't planned on being out quite as long as he was, coming back with an odd collection of drinks he'd quickly set aside and immediately forgotten about. Probably for something else.

"Ardbert--I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, is everything alright?"

[firstbump]

"It gave me time to speak with Regis." Ardbert smiles at him reassuringly. "It's as all right as it can be, all considering."

For Lup

[firstbump]

((From here.))

Ardbert walks in with a half-asleep Hythlo in his arms about another ten or so minutes after his last message. He looks tired but is clean with clean clothes. A few days old beard matches well with the circles under his eyes. It seems the earlier mild mood boost he got from their conversation has worn off.

"Hi," Ardbert gives a tired smile as he approaches the counter, "Thank you for the help."

oops it's sunday now

[necromanswers]

Lup's finishing some dishes - it's quiet now as she'd said, so the place is mostly empty - and she dries her hands when the door opens and comes around to greet him. Or, more specifically-

"There's a sweet baby! Let me see him, god. Every time he gets bigger."

She holds her hands out. Just one quick cuddle...!

And now it's Tuesday whoops

[firstbump]

"Oh, I see how it is," Ardbert jokes honestly but tiredly, cracking a slight smile. "You just wanted to see the baby."

Ardbert closes the distance between them and pulls the little amaro out of the makeshift sling. Hythlo gwees a bit in confusion, half asleep, and looks around at the new scenery. The amaro's eyes light up as he catches sight of Lup, letting out a louder gwee and flexing his wings in greeting.