Dimming

[kingkingcxiii]

♥ Who: Regis Lucis Caelum CXIII & OPEN
♥ Where: Ainea's Temple, Valeo, the House + one Network prompt
♥ When: Late on the 5th and the week or so after his awakening.
♥ What: Regis is awake, but his sleep was just a little different than Cor's was...
♥ Rating: PG/PG-13

Ainea's Temple: Awakening (Closed to the Watch Crew/Starts with Noctis) - Where's my mother's open arms?

[Regis doesn't remember going to sleep. In fact, he very vividly remembers being in his office sorting through a last bit of paperwork and expecting Clarus to look in at any moment to make sure he is actually going to bed afterward. Perhaps a stop by Noctis' room beforehand, but then to bed. No more work. No more avoiding an empty room.

It really doesn't seem as if three years have passed since Aulea left them. The pain is as fresh as ever and the chill of their once shared room just as cold. Perhaps he should really more seriously consider changing rooms despite the trouble it would cause. Maybe something even closer to Noctis' room?

Ah, but it's not his office he awakes from sleeping in. Instead, it's a bed in a...temple?

Regis starts as memory crashes over him and in doing so, his hand lands on the shoulder of a figure that is bent over the bed, sound asleep. At first, all he can do is smile sadly, before reaching up to gently brush a hand over his son's hair.]

Noctis.

[There is regret in the soft chuckle that follows.]

It seems everyone was correct when they said children grow up far too quickly.


Valeo: Evening (Open) - Where's my father's lion heart?

[Regis hums softly as he rearranges the potion bottles in this particular cabinet for the fifth, perhaps, sixth time? He's lost track honestly, just finding new patterns to keep his hands and mind busy. There is really no point to it all. A potion is a potion even if the bottle's shape is a little different. This one taller. This one rounder. This one shaped, well, just a bit like a chocobo chick if one squints.

Okay, there is a point. The point is, he and Cor wanted to have this shop going last month, and yet here the doors have not even opened because of Cor growing ill, then himself, and then...

What kind of fortune was it that he changed so and then came back when others just vanished?

Regis sighs and carefully shuts the door on the cabinet as to not jar the glass panels. He then turns to the counter behind him and picks up one more potion bottle. This one is a little different from the others. The glass is thicker and colored a deep purple. He turns it over in his hand for a moment before speaking quietly.]

I certainly hope these are not the changes you were hinting at.


The House: During the Week (Open) - It's like the sun's gone down

[With such a nice backyard and with the kind of people who live in the house that is attached to it, there is little wonder that it gets used as a training space now and again. Of course, the training that is going on right now is quite a bit different than what one might normally consider training. For one thing, the person training is usually holding onto their weapon, not having it float a short distance in front of them, ready for battle, held by an invisible hand.

It's only been five years since he faced down the threats to his city on Founder's Day and already Regis knows the prime of his strength has come and gone. Physically, at least. Now, as odd as it seems, it is easier to wield his sword with the force of his magic behind it than hold it with his own hands and that means learning yet another battle style.

It's like a dance really. Regis has his eyes closed forcing himself to fully rely on his magic and what it tells him about the sword's position. That information he uses to make the sword mirror the actions he makes with his own empty hand. Thrust here. Parry there. There still needs to be precision. Absolute control. Even more than he used in that battle five years ago.

It's a good way to be productive and keep his mind focused on the things he can change and not the things he cannot.]


Network: Video (Open) - Sleeps in the hallowed ground now

[For all the effort that Regis puts into smiling, his smile is a brittle thing, tinged with sadness. Of course, even if his smile was 'normal' it would be immediately obvious something besides a mere sleep happened while he was at Ainea's temple. He looks worn now and older than this 33 years would suggest.]

I wanted to thank everyone who helped out my family and friends while I was gone.

[There is a slight hesitation before he speaks that last word during which he folds his hands in front of himself. Those who met him before and are quick of eye may notice that he is no longer wearing his wedding ring. Instead, in its place, is the Ring of the Lucii which used to rest on his other hand.]

And for those of you who knew what was to come? Words cannot express how grateful I am to you that you said nothing. You are right. I do not believe I could have lived through that twice.

[The message ends there with no further explanation as to what he is specifically speaking of.]

Comments

Valeo

[kingkingcxiii]

[It's easier to withdraw. It's what Regis has been doing every day since Aulea died. Three years of walls built to help him hide the fact that he feels like part of himself died with her. Three years of walls created to hide the fact he never properly mourned her and will be mourning her until the day he dies. Yes, he should talk to people about how he feels and he has a time or two with those closest to him, but there is a country to run, a war to fight, and a child to raise somewhere in between all of that. There is no time.

There is just no time.

Cor knows this, knows how much Aulea's death changed him. He lived through this time as well, though it is far more distant for him. So, why? Why does he still show interest in someone so damaged, especially when he has so many others who are not?

Even though he doesn't understand Cor's reasoning, Regis can't help but let himself sink into his friend's embrace using it as an anchor to draw his mind completely back to the now.]

How can I be your life when I have lost so much of my own?

[flawed_immortality]

[As Regis eases back into his arms Cor guides the younger man's hands away from the shelf. He wraps his arms around his King, holding him close, tucking his face into the crook of his neck.

Is it strange to think that he smells different now? The warm woody scent Cor had begun to savor a little smokier now, the fire smothered to ashes by grief and loss. The weapons he wields now more magical than physical so the lingering tang of steel is almost entirely absent.

Cor's lips brush lightly against Regis' jaw, a gesture meant to be reassuring.]

Reggie... I love you. The burdens you bear will never change that. You know that.

[Cor is from nearly 20 years in the future and he still holds so much love for Regis, has through this and all the challenges in between.]

[kingkingcxiii]

[Regis closes his eyes, the tension in his body unwinding unconsciously, even if he feels he has to keep fighting consciously.]

Aulea loved me too and look where it got her.

[He was the one who had to have a blood heir to carry on the line. He was the one who insisted he would have no other as his child's mother despite the troubles they had. At the time Regis had thought it was a show of how much he loved her.

Now, he just feels like a murderer.]

You deserve better.

[flawed_immortality]

[Cor already has his arms around the younger man which makes it all too easy to reach across Regis' chest. He grips his King's upper arm with the opposite hand, yanking hard, forcing Regis to whirl in his arms, to look at him. Cor's eyes are bright and angry as he drops his other hand on the other man's bicep, gripping just below his shoulders, shoving him back against the wall of glass and bottles, delicates be damned.]

Don't you do that.

[Cor shakes his head, scowling at Regis, angry on Aulea's behalf this time. She would never stand for that.]

Don't you dare. She would kick your ass for even that one statement never mind every one you haven't voiced and don't think for a moment I won't do the same.

It wasn't your fault, Regis.

[He's not even going to respond to that whole "deserve better" comment. That's complete bullshit and they both know it.]

[kingkingcxiii]

[At first, Regis is too surprised by the abrupt change in Cor's mood, but as soon as the surprise fades, it is replaced by anger that blows by all the walls he's built to hide it.]

Wasn't it? I was the one who insisted it had to be her. Even when the council said I should look elsewhere. Even when she said I should look elsewhere.

[Astrals, that argument between them will never cease to tear him apart anew. Aulea had been so defeated, finally starting to give into what everyone else was saying. It was obviously something to do with her. He should...

Regis shakes his head, forcing the memory and the chaotic swirl of emotions it brings with it away. Even so, he can't stop the shake in his voice that comes from grief now rather than anger.]

It wasn't her fault and it wasn't Noctis' fault. I am the one with the great power, so I should have been able to save her and I failed.

[flawed_immortality]

[He'll take the anger, anything is better than the quiet despair that is practically radiating off of him. It's so strange to see it like this, sudden and abrupt, not the gradual change of years but something that is so much more striking for the lack of time. That surge of anger means Regis is still in there, buried under masks and guilt but there if Cor can just figure out how to get him to set all of that aside.

It wasn't fair, that Regis would allow himself to take on this burden that could not have been helped when he wouldn't permit those around him to do the same. Cor's hands move from his shoulders up to the younger man's face, cradling his cheeks but still holding firm enough to make sure Regis doesn't, can't, pull or look away from him/.]

You failed her no more than I failed you.

[He knows, deeply and intimately, how that feels. Losing the most important person in your world, shouldering the burden of their loss. He also knows that there is nothing that will convince Regis of that any more than he is able to convince himself of it. All he can do is try to help Regis remember that not all is lost without her.]

[kingkingcxiii]

[Regis takes a breath, ready to argue against all the reasons he expects to come from Cor's mouth, some of them he knows he's going to have heard from the very same man, just years younger, not that long ago in a completely different world.

What Cor says, though, is none of those things. It is something only a Cor who has lived much longer than Regis has could say and it disarms him completely. The breath shakily slips from his lips as Regis himself just...deflates, the anger rushing out of him.

He leans into the warm touch against his face, closing his eyes as he tries to hold back tears.]

That's not fair.

[Even if it is completely true.]

[flawed_immortality]

Nor is what the gods have asked of you.

[Knowing now what being the Chosen King requires, he has his doubts that Aulea finally conceiving directly after the Founders Day Massacre was mere coincidence. Bahamut has proven quite well that he has no regrets sacrificing the lives of those most convenient.

Cor shakes his head a little, a small denial of all of the burden Regis has taken on his own shoulders. Then he steps closer, pressing lightly against the other man, tipping his head down to rest his forehead against his Kings.]

I'm sorry, mea vita. It's not fair. I'm so sorry.

[There's nothing he can really do. He can hold Regis while he cries, mourn his Queen along side him but there's nothing he can do to make any of this easier. No more here than he could then.]

[kingkingcxiii]

[Cor should be the last person apologizing for anything. After all, he's the one who carried on after...everything, whatever everything ends up being specifically. He's the one who will be there at the end of things as well; Regis has no doubt of that. He already carries too many burdens that aren't his own and that is a long time to carry them . There is no way Regis can accept him blaming himself for this too. Of course, the moment he opens his mouth to say so, his voice becomes trapped in his throat and the grief he's been trying to hide breaks free. He shakes his head, still trying to get his point across, but as soon as he feels the tears slipping down his cheeks, he moves to bury his head in the crook of Cor's neck instead. He's not certain if he is doing so because he feels the need to hide or just because Cor is safe, but Regis doesn't really care to take the time to figure out which it is anyway. He just needs an anchor to keep him from being washed away by the flood of pain that is washing over him.]

[flawed_immortality]

[He honestly expects Regis to argue with him, to snap back and push him away, to fight to keep that careful distance he's tried so so hard to maintain over the years. Distance Cor should never have allowed him to have. He'd been a fool.

Instead Regis falls into him and it's such a bittersweet moment. To be glad that he will let himself cry, let himself grieve the way he never let himself back home. Instead of hiding behind walls he lets himself feel and that is such a good thing. But know how agonizingly deep the pain of that loss goes breaks his heart.]

Shhhh....

[One hand comes up to stroke a gentle hand down Regis' back, pressing his cheek against his King's hair, swaying gently. There's nothing more he can do but this. Hold him and support him and care for him as the hurt overwhelms him. His own breaths come a little harsher, wet and sniffly. Knowing how much Regis hurts makes his heart ache, for his sake and for her. Their magnificent Queen that should have been there with them for many years beyond. For Regis, for Noctis, for all of them who knew and loved her.

He doesn't outright cry, not now, not after so long but his eyes are wet with the threat of it.]

[kingkingcxiii]

[It's the straw that broke the camel's back, thinking of Cor taking anymore blame onto himself, especially since he's let Cor be closer to him here than he ever did back home. How can a barely three year old wall stand against that? Does he even want it to?

No, no he doesn't. The way Cor's gentleness breaks through it so easily is proof enough. These last three years have been so lonely, locked up alone with his grief and yet, at home, Regis can't dare to do anything differently. Noctis needs him. Lucis needs him. He has to stand strong for them both. If he can't keep it together, who will make sure there is still a country for Noctis to rule when he is grown? Who will make sure he has a chance to grow free and happy as he and Aulea wanted? There is no doubt that the Empire would snuff out his life in a moment if they were given the chance.

The very thought almost makes Regis' knees buckle and he clutches the back of Cor's shirt tightly in his hands. How could he ever face Aulea if he let something happen to their son? How? Especially knowing what a wonderful man he will become?]

[flawed_immortality]

[But he does know, now, what a wonderful young man Noctis becomes. He knows that his son does grow up, that he has friends, that Ignis and Gladio remain at his side. That Cor's own ill-advised compassion gives him the best friend he could ever ask for.]

Regis...

[He doesn't have words that will make any of this better, there's nothing to say that could even begin to soothe the wounds on his heart. But there's that moment where Regis' balance shifts, his weight tilting more firmly into Cor. He doesn't stumble or lose his footing but he's clearly in no condition to stand on his own. Cor carefully bends down, looping an arm behind his King's knees and lifting quickly, tipping Regis into his arms.

He might be able to hold Honerva or Lup effortlessly for the better part of an hour but Regis is far heavier, denser, more muscled... and yet lighter now than he had been before he slept, the muscle fading already. But Cor backs them both up to one of the day beds, sitting back with Regis half draped across his lap, still supported by his arms, holding him close..]

I love you...

[The only thing he can even begin to offer Regis. His own affection and support in the face of all that loneliness.]

[kingkingcxiii]

[Regis offers absolutely no resistance to Cor's efforts to move him. He's focused too much on the pain flowing out of him, but also the feeling that if he lets all that pain out, there won't be anything left. It's been a part of him for three years, balled into a corner and hidden from others. Once it is gone, what will take it's place? What will be left of the man who he once was?

Well, perhaps there is one thing.

All Regis can do is nod in response to Cor's declaration, curling tighter into the man so he knows his words have been heard, even if he can't find the energy to say anything back at the moment. Cor has always been there and always will be no matter what happens, here or at home. He's safe to anchor to and hold onto and that is exactly what Regis is going to do, especially now that there is no one else for him to do that to.]