Discovery

[original_is_best]

♥ Who: Verstael, Will, Ardyn
♥ Where: Verstael's lab abode
♥ When: Days after this
♥ What: Heartache
♥ Rating: PG-13 for tragic stuff

Will
After receiving his notes Vertsael withdrew into his residence. Many people likely wouldn't notice his absence as he suddenly fell off the grid, but for those who interacted with him often it would be very sudden. He had work to do.

And so for day's on end he pored over the documents with seemingly little sleep or food. Many of the later documents had been set to the side. Decades in the future things had long gone bad, so while he did read them they weren't what he needed right now. He needed to find out what changed in the Empire. In his lab. In him. No one could detail this better than himself.

He absorbed himself in the material and closed himself away to the outside world, not expecting much, until there was a knock on the door. It was almost startling. He worked in such silence that the rapping at his door almost seemed to echo. It broke his thoughts and he was so weary that he had difficulty finding them again, instead tiredly climbing to his feet to go see who it was.

Ardyn
In time he had organized the collection of journals and created a chart for himself. After having contacted Ardyn, he sat down and waited until he could let him in. While he could try to summarize, it just didn't feel like that would be sufficient.

He'd created a chart for himself, lengthy and detailed, as he determined that the main change happened shortly after the time he arrived in this city. But it wasn't simply one event that he mentioned. He had a list of large events in the Empire.

The birth of Praeterius.
The passing of the Empress.
Various troubles that arose within the Empire at that time.
His discovery of Ardyn.
The recovery of Ifrit.
Work on the MTs.
Research into the Scourge.

Any event that could be considered notable at the time was listed, both good and bad, and some were underlined. While things like Praeterius' birth were left clear, entries like the passing of the Empress had a firm line traced underneath.

And there was one conspicuous one. 'Ardyn'. A line was started under it, but it tapered and faded halfway, as if he started but was unwilling to underline it. The notes had been made for himself but they were left uncovered.

He was tired. He was hungry. He was stressed. But he couldn't stop, and he thought Ardyn needed to see these as well.

Comments

[scourgingstars]

[He really didn't want to do this. The idea of being alone with Verstael made his skin crawl in a way he hadn't cared enough to be bothered about back in Niflheim. But...he had asked to be told if anything new was discovered, and he also couldn't deny Verstael had sounded remarkably different. Whatever it was...curiosity and fear of the future was rapidly winning out, and he knocked on the door with only some hesitation.]

[original_is_best]

[Knowing who it was, the only hesitation he showed opening the door was from his own fatigue. Even he had his limits, though he was considering investing in some strong, caffeinated drinks.

The greeting was silent and somber, an outstretched arm inviting Ardyn to come in. By now everything was pretty organized by date. He closed the door quietly and led him over to one of the desks.]

They're in order.

[Again the tone was just tired, but he sat down at his own desk regardless to keep working. It didn't seem he was really going to try and explain. Nothing he said would really do it justice, nor did he want to taint anything Ardyn might draw from it with his own opinions.

Silence fell again as he went back to his list, eyes almost glazed over as he stared at it like it would say something back to him.]

[scourgingstars]

[Ardyn frowned, in a mixture of mostly confusion and some faint concern. Something was wrong here, there could be no doubt now. But he followed along for the moment, taking a seat at the desk and looking over whatever it was Verstael had indicated.]

[original_is_best]

[And there they were, all the logs, the recordings, everything. He even included some from his own time that Ardyn would have seen before.

Ardyn was mentioned in them, of course.

And then, many years of progress and what was happening in Niflheim. The Deathless Project, the descent into madness, the death of Shiva, the 'Godslayer', 'Diamond Weapon', all of it. And in the end, an enthusiastic thanks to Ardyn.

It was all there.]

[scourgingstars]

[Ardyn didn't read every last one in detail; he scanned over some, paid closer attention to others--absconding with a single infant--and read the later ones in excruciating detail. This was...'horrifying' was the word that came to him, he wanted to snap at Verstael and demand to know who he thought he was, how he could ever dare keep this meaningless war going to this point and beyond...but anything he could have said died in his throat.]

[Chancellor Ardyn Izunia, your assistance has proved invaluable. You have my eternal gratitude. It is through your aid that I have completed my work and begun my ascension to an existence beyond divinity.]

[It was his fault. It was all, always his fault. It was Ardyn who tried to kill Regis. Ardyn who dared sublimate a god and let himself be swept away by vengeance both his and Ifrit's alike. Ardyn who had, or would bring the world under a crushing darkness to the brink of ending.]

[His head had dropped into his hands at some point, and for a brief instant a drop or two of something black stained the papers in front of him before evaporating from the surface and his eyes alike. No, no, not now. He couldn't break down like that, not in front of anyone and definitely not in front of Verstael.]

This-

[Ardyn's voice cracked, no matter how hard he tried to get it under control.]

...can't be real.

[original_is_best]

I'm afraid it is. I would know if it were faked.

[And he'd looked for signs of it. He did. Something that would hint at some sort of Lucian deception.

But he knew himself. He had a certain way that he worked that others couldn't replicate. He had never been normal and anyone trying to copy him would fall short somewhere.

This had to be his least favorite project ever. Still, he had to persist. He didn't even look in Ardyn's direction, he didn't want to see it again. He was desperately trying to make some progress.]

I am working on a plan.

[scourgingstars]

What, exactly?! [Something dark flared up around him for a fraction of a second, anger and frustration showing itself for that brief second before he quickly forced it back down.] What kind of plan could you possibly be devising that isn't 'stop this before it continues'?!

[original_is_best]

That's entirely far too vague. We need to assess and follow a plan of action to 'stop this', lest we miss something in a chaotic pursuit.

[He finally pushed himself up, finding a second wind for a brief moment. Pushing the later logs aside, he moved the older ones - the ones from around his time - and his list in front of Ardyn as he leaned over the desk next to him.

Here he was trying to re-focus his efforts. Not let himself get distracted by emotions when something needed to be done.]

Forget those. Attempting to recover from there would be like waiting until a car has been totaled to attempt to fix it. We need to focus our efforts on the start.

[Though his energy waned some, his drained body failing him, he persisted on, pointing his pen at the first underlined entry.

The death of the Empress.

He held some regret in his voice as he spoke.]

Her Imperial Majesty passed in fairly recent times. I had always thought that after a reasonable amount of time to mourn His Radiance would return to his old self. But... after hearing some of the future, I... may have been mistaken.

[And therein the regret. He had misjudged the situation. Not that anyone would expect Verstael of all people to have the insight of a psychologist, but he felt responsible if he had ignored His Imperial Majesty's suffering, assuming that time would heal the wound. Many lost someone and they recovered. He had thought it would be the same.

But that led to another immediate problem. Dealing with something like this was so far out of his expertise that he didn't even know what to do about it, and it showed in the hesitance in his tone.]

Do you know how to make sure that someone recovers from the loss of a spouse?

[It was at this time he actually looked at Ardyn, but it wasn't the first time he had seen him losing control of himself. A bit of black ooze was nothing to him.]

[scourgingstars]

[Ardyn calmed down somewhat as Verstael had spoken--it was true enough that rushing ahead would only serve to cause more damage in one way or another. But he bristled at the question, and though there was no trace of dark miasma around him it was clear the concept touched a nerve. Again he wanted to lash out, to snap at Verstael never to ask him that again, but Ardyn took a deep breath and forced himself to keep some measure of calm.]

If I knew that, I feel a great deal of things may have gone very differently in history.

[original_is_best]

[Aera had been one of those subjects Ardyn had never told him much about. He knew, vaguely, about the existence and death of an Oracle, but that was about it.

He let out a soft huff, though. So neither of them knew what to do about it.]

I will research into it further, then.

[He rubbed the back of his arm across his face as if to rub away the sleep before continuing, going through some various negative things that had occurred in the Empire during this period, and what to do to deal with them. Different matters, mostly easily understandable. War losses, building collapses, fires. Things that could be faced head on without much insight into the human psyche.

And then he went further down, notably skipping one.]

In my time, Ifrit has already been subjugated.

[What were they to do about that?]

[scourgingstars]

I don't have any way to fix that, even if the Ardyn you knew had sense enough to want to. I can heal the scourge, not un-subjugate someone or something.

[Was that even a word? He didn't really care.]

[original_is_best]

[He didn't know what to do about it, either. Kill the god? Find a way to reverse things somehow? It was quite the dilemma.

It showed well enough as he stared at that point.]

Perhaps we will need to think on how to handle that.

You're already aware that I have been pondering over what to do with the MTs... [Unless Ardyn had more to say there was little to go over with that point right now. The point of his pen drifted down to the end.] That leaves the Starscourge.

[scourgingstars]

If you have any brilliant ideas on how to rid the world of that, I welcome the input.

[twistedempathy]

Most people wouldn't notice Verstael's absence, especially after such a brief time. After all, the man wasn't exactly a social sort, was he? He always kept busy with his work, and didn't make a habit of reaching out to others needlessly. Two days of radio silence? He was probably just making headway on whatever project he was absorbed in.

Will wasn't most people.

Verstael kept in touch with him, or vice versa. They saw each other around town. Two days to see and hear absolutely nothing..... It was a little concerning. It made him uneasy, knowing how seamlessly people could vanish without a trace here, or get terribly ill without even so much as warning symptoms.

He tried calling at first. A few attempts, spaced out a bit, just in case he happened to catch him at a bad time. When all those went unanswered, though..... well, he didn't want to assume too much just yet. Maybe Verstael just wasn't feeling well? Or maybe he'd left his tablet somewhere? Time to at least go visit before checking the temples.

Once Verstael made his way to the door, he would find Will on the porch, a pot balanced against one hip and a probably too relieved expression on his face. "Ver! Are you okay? Where have you been?"

[original_is_best]

How much time had passed? While Verstael often kept track of time ludicrously well, when he was absorbed in his work it was possible for it to slip through his fingers. And what could preoccupy someone more than looking into their own future?

Though tired he pushed through it, as he oft did when working on an intense project, and greeted Will as if unaware that there had been any concern before looking a bit surprised. Had he been gone that long? Just a few days... Was that odd? While he might 'disappear' sometimes at home to some, no one bothered to check on him. Few were close enough to care, others assumed he was working, no one really looked for him unless he was needed for something specific.

And so that was where his mind went first.

"I've been here. There has been much to work on. You require assistance?"

In the meantime, he got out of Will's way. No doubt that pot he was precariously balancing weighed enough to be a nuisance. Wiping exhaustion from his eyes, he headed back to his desk, leaving Will to make himself comfortable anywhere he wanted as he usually did.

[twistedempathy]

"Wha--n-no, no. It's--I just..... You didn't answer your tablet, and I hadn't seen you out around town, or anything like that. I..... I thought maybe something had..... happened."

Will trailed off, voice softer. He felt a little silly now for getting so worried, honestly. Not talking to someone for a few days wasn't that big of a deal, right? Verstael probably went much longer without talking to anyone at home, if he got really busy. This is probably perfectly normal for him at home. But.....

But it's not normal for them. Not here in Havenwell. It's hard not to think of Kiwi burning up with fever, the gut-wrenching fear of being able to see the sheets through part of them, of burrowing desperately against their side and holding onto them while they slept, in some vain hope that maybe the contact would help keep them solid and anchored to reality.....

Just remembering it made Will's skin crawl a little. He didn't follow Verstael back to his desk, as much as he wanted to; he went to set the pot down at the stove instead, dishing up a bowl of soup to bring Verstael once he did go to join him. "You look like you're about ready to drop. When was the last time you ate something? Or slept?"

[original_is_best]

His expression changed from cordial business to surprise and confusion. But not the bad sort. It wasn't like anyone to worry about him. For a moment he couldn't help but wonder why Will would. He didn't reject the idea, though. It was foreign and unusual, but as he was grateful when people assisted him, he could recognize this as a good thing. For various reasons. With his type of mind he automatically calculated how useful it is for someone to care, but there was also something more. Perhaps normally absent in his life. Without family or close friendships, he went without it much like he learned to live in the cold. He just became accustomed to being distant.

His expression softened a bit as they both went their ways. "Did I miss a call? My apologies."

It must have gotten lost under everything else. He usually wasn't so careless, so it made sense for Will to believe something was wrong. He could follow that logic well enough and didn't blame Will for coming to check.

Before he could bury himself in work again a bowl appeared in front of him. His gaze trailed up the arm it was attached to, and he made a small space on the desk in front of him. Now that he thought about it, he was rather hungry.

"...I'm unsure. I haven't been able to sleep. Not with something so important in front of me."

He didn't wait long before bringing the spoon to his mouth and blowing on it and taking a bite. Will had always done well enough cooking, so he trusted it to be a good meal. Will's actions rolled over in his mind as it all sunk in. It was highly unusual, but it did seem Will had come out of concern. Swallowing, he held the now empty spoon in the air as he glanced up at Will.

"You have my gratitude for your... concern."

Strange to think it was legitimate, but he didn't believe Will was acting, and it was best to show appreciation for people's helpful actions.

[twistedempathy]

Verstael wasn't a careless man. He might leave aside something he deemed unnecessary, methodical and analytical as he was, but something he had already decided was important enough to keep up with? He kept up with it. It was something valuable to him, something that became integrated into his routines. Habits were efficient.

So when those routines were disturbed..... Something must have happened. Something big, and presumably something bad.

The smile he offered in return was more subdued than usual, but warm nonetheless. Please just be some kind of breakthrough..... "You're welcome. What's so important you can't take some time to rest?"

[original_is_best]

With an open palm he glided a hand over the pile of journals underneath, just beyond where he had put his bowl.

"These are my journals. Or, they are said to be, from the future."

Which was honestly stressful. A lot happened. While the others were set to the side, he had read through them all before going back to the beginning. It was jarring. Few probably got such a glimpse into their own lives, especially when the future turned so dark. He tried to view it as a third party, and took to scanning over the beginning documents in detail to formulate a plan.

That meant evaluating his own actions and re-assessing what he believed about others. Such things were never easy.

[twistedempathy]

".....Oh." It took a moment, but the context click\ed into place all at once. His journals from the future. The future where he..... went insane. Forsook his research. Turned himself into a giant daemon worm. Lost himself. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what could possibly drive a man like Verstael to such extremes.

There was no choice in the matter though, was there? If they wanted to stop this madness--if he wanted to have any chance of saving him--, then they needed to figure this out. They had to stare Verstael's future in the face unflinchingly, and search it for the truth.

He'd assumed making sure Verstael was alright might take a fair amount of his day, but this? This could easily take multiple days, even with Verstael having worked for a while already. A period of reflection and self-analysis like this, maybe even soul searching of sorts..... Verstael shouldn't be left to process something like this on his own. He needs--no, he deserves someone to support him through this.

Will moved to grab a chair from one of the other desks, wheeling it over so he can settle in against Verstael's side. "How are you holding up.....?"

[original_is_best]

He expected Will to understand to some degree, but he didn't expect him to stay or to try to assist. Nor was he prepared for the question, which delved more into his emotions than his results. How was he holding up?

It likely wasn't truthful to say 'fine'. While he was treating it as if he were dealing with anyone else, he knew well that he could not sleep while his mind was racing about this. The more he looked at it the more he realized how overwhelming the solutions were. And, in some aspects, he felt foolish. Not something he felt often.

He didn't expect it to make a difference but oddly enough the warmth pressed up against his side did help. It must've been because he was getting cold and weary from lack of sleep.

"I been been working on a solution. It does no good to wallow in self-pity."

Truthful and yet not entirely. He was stressed beyond belief, but he was forcing himself, trying to get through this just like he would anything else. He didn't intend to say that it was a difficult task.

Unfortunately, a lot of things went wrong and he was trying to root out all of them.

[twistedempathy]

Will nuzzled into Verstael's shoulder, quiet and still to let Verstael consider the question. There was no way he ever would have believed the man, if he'd claimed to be fine. Even if he had somehow believed Verstael had such an ice-cold heart that his composure could remain unshaken through all this, the sheer tension Will could feel--physically and mentally--spoke for itself. This was an enormous burden, more than anyone could be expected to carry easily by themselves.

"That's good..... but it's also not what I was asking." They'd get to the solutions. That would probably be a significant part of this. But for now, until then..... Will wanted to take a moment to focus on the Verstael that was right here at his side, not the shadow darkening his future.

[original_is_best]

He reconsidered the question, but he didn't talk about emotions. He didn't even feel quite like others did - something he was well aware of but never cared about. Never crying, hardly stressing about consequences... Plenty had called him mad. No big deal.

His emotional well-being had never been called into question. While he did experience frustration on lengthy projects, he was typically calm, enthused and passionate. Hardly someone that needed comforting.

It left him in a position where it was difficult to express how he was feeling to Will. Such things had never mattered before.

With a lengthy sigh that threatened to turn into a yawn, he answered solemnly, reaching in for his persistent self, "I will survive." He refused to do anything else.

"It is the same as with anything else. I need only pinpoint the problems and correct them."

Much as he tried to make it like any other project, he was finding issues he had no idea how to address. Big ones. Several of them.

[twistedempathy]

Not what he'd asked, either--but it did answer the question, if indirectly. This was a stressful, exhausting job, picking apart your future self's actions, trying to divine the driving forces behind your own decisions. It was taking a heavy toll on him, clearly--but he was strong-willed and disciplined, resilient, determined. Whatever he felt, he wouldn't let it drag him down. Verstael really was pretty incredible.....

But everyone had limits. There was only so much anyone could do, even him, before he succumbed to exhaustion. Will couldn't help a wry little smile at the phrasing. "You'd better. I'd be sad if you didn't."

Verstael didn't want to make him sad, did he? So he'd better eat his food so he didn't keel over from overworking himself. Food was the easy part, and he'd gotten enough of a roundabout answer on Verstael's mental state to not feel the need to push further--the real feat here would be getting Verstael to actually get some sleep somehow. He'll need to think of a way to manage it without running into too much resistance to the idea.....

"It sounds like there's a lot to look through. How's that coming?"

[original_is_best]

He glanced at Will with a quirked brow. Well. It was good that he was concerned for the future of the Empire. It was just a strange way to put it.

"Hnn. While there are journals for many decades, I have narrowed down where I need to focus on the time that took place shortly after my arrival here. That seems to be when everything starts..."

Which did greatly reduce the workload in one way, and why the later ones had been put to the side for now. But it meant concentrating heavily on what he knew about his own time and well as anything he could glean from those documents. It was like scanning every word for clues.

"I also know well what events were taking place before I left. I believe with all of it I can root out everything that needs to be addressed and create a plan." That part he felt confident about. Find problem. Address problem. Simple. It was when he thought about what those problems were that he became more lost and unsure. Some were far out of his expertise.

"Perhaps, you might be able to help."