hugtopia_logs | 'no' is the saddest experience you'll ever know.

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'no' is the saddest experience you'll ever know.

♥ Who: Cliff Norman and whoever wants to put up with him.
♥ Where: various.
♥ When: Early November.
♥ What: A sad wolf is a bad wolf.
♥ Warnings: Cursing, Hell content in Héctor thread naturally.

[ one - the loneliest number. teen house. ]

[He doesn't know why he hasn't taken Kaito up on his offer before, especially since he's made a point to walk by his house a couple times to check on it or make sure it existed in the first place. The damage done by the worms isn’t enough to take out the place or make it unsafe, thankfully -- and it even leaves the task of quietly getting inside through a window even easier! Not that he couldn't use some difficulty as a good distraction from feelings he's trying very hard to ignore. Before he goes to climb inside, he makes a quick pass to see if the garden is likewise a survivor from October’s big wormy mess.

And then he's in a home that isn't his. It's weirdly soothing for someone that never relished the idea of spending time in his own home growing up, even if it's far from the window he'd really like to be climbing through. Nothing to do about that...and at least here he could feel vaguely welcome. Both Kaito and Shinji had invited him in the past! It's fine. Cliff is several steps across the room and listening for signs of anyone else being around before he calls,]

Hellooo? Anyone home?

[...decidedly not from the front door.]

[ two - just as bad as one. héctor. ]

[hahahahahahaaa fuck everything about this. He honestly hadn't meant to avoid Héctor all month, but with the worm drama on top of his dumb tender feelings, there hasn't been a good time. That's what he's choosing to tell himself so that he doesn't get frustrated all over again thinking about all the thinking he's had to do.

In the end, Héctor is still Héctor, whether he's the one Cliff knew or not. He knew he wasn't the same and had plenty of reason for that. What mattered most right now was that they were both, more or less, doing okay -- something Clifford had been able to be sure of without getting too close, thankfully, because of his nose.

Now he's getting close. So close, in fact, that he's right at the door and scratching at it with his claws, full wolf. He's...fairly confident that Héctor would be the one to answer any call to the door in this household, from what little experience he's had with Nekane, but if not? He's leaning into the anxious hope that one of the things shared in this -- bleh -- marriage is not the fact that Cliff is a big dumb werewolf.]

[ three - dog night. open. ]

[The scariest part of the worm attack, surprisingly, was not the worms. It was that moment he went to become the wolf and felt like there were hooks on the inside holding him together, refusing to let him change without a fight. He'd fallen to the ground in agony that only lightened when he finally stopped trying to shift and let that part of himself go. Cliff didn't flaunt the fact that he was a werewolf -- basically, anyway -- but not being allowed it, even on his own? Terrifying. He'd barely managed to get his head back on straight enough to shuffle citizens and helpers back towards the safety of the town center, and had been grasping at any chance to help defend.

It's still screwing him up a little, but Cliff’s making the most of getting himself back, going around the city as a red, juvenile wolf watching life get back to normal and honing in on interesting sights and smells.

Of course, the boy in the red hoodie with eyes like an animal can be found wandering as well. Usually out running at any odd hour or stuck behind a counter doing his best to act like someone who knew how to be polite.]

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[ Era is out walking at a time she knows most people sleep. Her Carbuncle at her side, glowing brightly in the darkness. Less prominent is the polecat perched on her shoulder, glowing much more faintly in a soft golden hue. She's bundled up in something warm, cozy, and unflattering to her figure, tail held high and to the left in an attempt to help her keep her balance as she practices.

Eventually she stops, standing still for a long, silent moment, then crawls down to the ground and lays on her right side; temporarily defeated by the complaints of her strained neck muscles. ]

I know you're there.

[ She calls out to the air around her, voice accented by something vaguely Irish; light and mellifluous, though the volume is slightly off — as if unsure how loudly she's speaking. Narangerel remains perched by her head, and her Carbuncle moves to sit between where its mistress lays and where Cliff is. ]

[His and Nekane's home wasn't far from the center of the city. He's not sure if it was in the range or protection by the gods or if it survived out of sheer dumb luck. Honestly, it still feels like they all survived out of sheer dumb luck.

But then, they didn't all survive. There were plenty of robotic residents lost to the worms. He doesn't even know how many offworlders might have been killed. And that thought sticks with him, with a few faces in mind but just one in particular.

There's a scratching at the door. He goes to it with one hand on his knife at his "belt". With the other hand, he opens the door up. There, on his doorstep, is a wolf.]

Cliff...!

[His face immediately breaks into relief, almost looking like he could cry. He steps forward, automatically reaching out, remembering himself and what they both can't stand, and then he draws his hands back to his heart.]

You're alive. I was so worried.

[Oh...oh!! That's a carbuncle! He wouldn't admit to the little wag of his tail as he recognizes the glowing critter -- blue this time, that's neat -- but he can't help it too much when it's that cute.

That...very quickly becomes less important. He starts padding over before she speaks out of concern, and that rather than the creature between them gets him to pause for a moment. This girl doesn't look like she's doing too good... Cliff's ears are low as he ignores the blue fox-bunny thing and swiftly trots the rest of the way to her side. Then, in a moment shorter than a blink of an eye and that may as well not exist, it's no longer a wolf next to Era, but a teenage boy with eyes that reflect the carbuncle's glow the way no human's would. He reaches out but doesn't touch her, hand hovering, unsure.]

Hey. Uh, are you okay?

[Her carbuncle would be more concerned if she wasn't, right...? But people don't just lay on the ground out of nowhere!!]

[The tilt of his head is very animalistic, almost like the name confuses him to hear. What's really jarring is the relief in the man's voice, and that gets his ears lowering with guilt. Héctor was that worried about him...? After everything he'd said?

Well. Anyway. He takes a little skip back before lowering into a play posture, tail teasingly up in the air and swaying. Everything about it says chase meee!]

You think some big dumb worms are gonna take me out? No biggie.

[The play posture surprises him, but then he laughs. He steps on out, shutting the door behind him.]

The big dumb worms took out half the city. I was positive they were going to take out all of it. But I guess you would be fast enough even then.

[He's glad for that.]

You know I'm not half as fast. [He says in reference to that clear, if unspoken, call to chase.] Not without wings.

[ Carbuncle stays on alert, ready to defend her at a moment's notice. On the other hand, Narangerel sprawls out over Era's neck like a second scarf, staring at Cliff with eyes filled with a faint golden glow and far too much intelligence. ]

Yes. I just needed a small break.

[ And yet she still makes no move to, well... move. ]

[ The garden is fine, if perhaps a bit faded with the season's change--but there are still fat little green squashes growing. And there's nothing especially grand waiting on the inside of the house Cliff has gotten to know from the outside--just a tidy living room with plants here and there, a few crocheted throw blankets folded on the couch, a cello in one corner, and a sweet, gently spiced scent wafting in from another room.

Also of note is the girl standing frozen in the doorway leading into the hall. She's silent and still for a moment, tense, before slowly raising her oven mitt-clad hands and curling them into fists, like some kind of half-baked boxing stance. ]

Hell yeah I am. But the toxic atmosphere would get me if I left the bubble, so even if I ran I couldn't get too far.

[Never mind that he really hadn't been looking to do too much running away... Just running to someone's side to pester them along.

The rejection gets an unhappy huff in return, but this time his gesture -- a roll of the eyes -- is decidedly teenage boy.]

Bo-ring. But I guess there's no helping it... [His ears flick straight to attention.] Unless... Oh, what's this?

[Away the wolf dashes!!!! Eat a dick of dust, Héctor.

...Only he's back in just a few seconds, a very long stick between his teeth. It clatters to the ground so he can speak.]

Any "fetch" jokes and I'm out, no offering for you.

[Ummmm. Is she sure about that? He retracts his hand, but his brows are still furrowed. Time to look at this weird weasel thing that -- could possibly be an Animal Person, looking at him with eyes like that. Are you judging him? Judge her instead, you furry noodle. What's her deal!!!]

Do your small breaks always involve you lying on the ground in the fetal position? [not that he really knows what that is]

[what

what????

He stares back at the girl, too flabbergasted at first to really register what's happening. When his brain kicks in, he's sure of two things: he could win any fight she tried to start without even trying and she's the weirdo he ran around the city with when he was stuck in Raven's body and choosing to hide out as a wolf. Good to see she's still weird.

What he's not sure of suddenly: is this the right house? It has to be the right house. He saw the weird cantaloupe pumpkins out there and everything. Still, if he wasn't so keyed in on her readiness to throw down, he might have ducked his head back outside the window to check.]

Who are you?

[His hod bobs a little to the side at Cliff's point there. There was that, yes. It would be a damper if he hadn't already assumed they were all going to die regardless.

He can't help smiling at the haughty mannerisms. Cliff is here and alive and talking to him like nothing's gone wrong between them. He can only feel fond.

He sputters on a laugh.]

Hey! Hey! [He starts to run, trying to even with the way his leg twinges and refuses to cooperate. But then Cliff's right back and he stops and finds himself blinking at the very long stick. He stares at it.]

... I mean, if you wanted to do that I wouldn't say no.

[He steps forward and folds to pick the cane up. He holds it in his hands like a precious thing, looking it over. Red, blue, and purple flowers, a garden in his hands.]

Cliff... this is beautiful... where did you get this...? What... are you... are you offering this to me? [He's overwhelmed. Visibly so. But still just confused enough to ask;] Why?

[The wolf sits, pleased despite the fact that his voice holds just the right amount of carelessness to be casual.]

'Tis the season, right? Día de Muertos, or close enough by this place's calendar. Gotta give the dead something. They're not actually hard to find here, but I still couldn't get one with marigolds or anything. Red's the best color, so I went with this one.

[ Does Kyoko actually intend to fight this boy? Honestly, she hasn't thought that far. There is zero plan right now, only panic and a rising indignation. ]

No way! No! [ One of those fists unfurls so she can point an accusing finger at him, though the affect is kind of lost due to the oven mit obscuring her hand. ] That is not something a mysterious intruder gets to say!!

[He draws the cane close, holding it to himself, to his heart that is in fact beating, so perhaps that negates this being an offering a little... but it doesn't feel like it does. He rubs at his eyes and covers his mouth for just a moment, trying to fight the way his throat closes on him.]

It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. I like the red. Makes me think of good people.

[Like Nekane, like Cliff, like Miguel. He lets out a breath of a laugh so he doesn't cry.]

This is the first offering I've had. [He lowers the cane, holding it at his side and putting his weight on it for the first time.] It's going to take me a bit to get used to this. Shall we... go for a walk? Or are you busy?

[His tail makes a small, gentle thump against the ground, unbidden. He's getting more used to these very emotional outbursts, so it isn't as uncomfortable this time -- just a sense of embarrassment that was somewhat negated by how satisfied he is that he did a good job. Good. Much nicer to focus on that that how heartbreaking it is to imagine all those years going by with nothing, especially during a time that he held so close, presumably, even in life.]

I got time. [It's almost weird to think that he doesn't actually have all the time in the world now, with how he picked up a job mostly to pay for the cane, but also to help out in the aftermath. Up onto his feet again he goes!] Pretty overdue for it, anyway. How, uh, are things going over here?

[He's still worried he fucked things up real bad...]

[ Naran continues staring, blinking only once as she makes herself more comfortable against Era's neck. Era waits until her dream-guide confirms what the boy has said before responding: ]

No. Sometimes they involve lying on my boyfriend.

[It is very hard to stop his smile from growing to see that tail thumping. It's adorable, and it's very tempting to say so. But Cliff is still Cliff and he doubts that will be taken well.

On the flipside, Cliff is likewise careful in his tone as he asks that question. He starts into motion alongside the wolf.]

They're alive. They're okay. We go down together or not at all. [Which... it occurs to him belatedly that that's not what Cliff is concerned about.]

Before that... we gave each other space. We cooled-- well, we found each other in the same place with intention to smash things, and then we cooled off. We talked. [He glances away.] They love me and I don't love myself. We have it in common. But we always work things out and we always take care of each other. Even without imminent doom to speed things up. We're okay.

[He glances back at last, no longer feeling the need to hide now that he plans to go a new topic, one that isn't something Cliff isn't unhappy with him over.]

I'm still disappointed they went after you. Besides the bigger problems, I also hoped you might be friends. At least friendly acquaintances. But I'll sooner wrangle love ballads from them than an apology they aren't ready to give. And I imagine you aren't happy either.

[rolls eyes]

Great, okay. Good for you. Very helpful.

[That does very little to assuage his concerned feelings, lady! But he's comfortable enough with her dismissal that he falls back into a sit instead of remaining kneeled there.

...and also he's going to make little beckoning motions over to the carbuncle. C'mere, buddy... Let him pet you...]

I can carry you somewhere, if you want. [He's thin with thin limbs and not the tallest at 5'9", but he is surprisingly athletic even without the supernatural boost from being part monster, or whatever.] Get you back home so you're not just on the ground in the dark looking like you're dying.

[He tries to temper the stirrings of a bad mood, eyes focused on the path ahead rather than watching Héctor for any hints towards something being left unsaid. ...Or instead of just looking at him in general, because he worries that if he does, his nose will wrinkle and his lips will curl back to reveal sharp, dangerous fangs that would probably be taken as some kind of threat even if he had the intention to never bite a human ever again. It's just...easier to listen and imagine that there was more distance there than he felt, however unearned that closeness was.

It was good news. Focus on that.]

What, you think I'm not capable of playing cards with them anymore?

[The sarcasm isn't over the top, but the lack of a grin to his words suggests that...yeah. It was probably going to be tough even if he did his best to make up for it. Still, the quip isn't insincere. Playing cards with someone that hates him is probably better than laying around bored out of his gourd and feeling more alone than ever.]

...There's really only one thing out of what they said that I want an apology for, anyway. The rest isn't a big deal. Don't worry about it.

[He laughs, not entirely happy, but not bitter either.]

Capable is very different from willing. Or enjoying.

[He doesn't know who will come around first. Or when. He wants to believe they will. Nekane came around for his actually terrible friends. Would Cliff forgive Nekane? He doesn't know.]

Half the time you say not to worry about things, Cliff, it's something to worry about. But if you'll humor at least one thing, will you tell me what they said?

[Maybe it was sneaky of him, but hey, they spied on him first.]

[ She can tell he's trying to pet her Carbuncle, and while it's understandable it's still mildly irritating. Carbuncle has no interest in physical contact, unless it's on its terms with the people she trusts and cares for — or when it's necessary to help someone. ]

Carbuncle is an extension of my life energy. I can feel when people touch it.

[ The 'it feels really weird/uncomfortable' goes unsaid but it's heavily implied. ]

There's no need. I'm capable of getting up and walking myself, I just don't want to right now.

I don't do things I don't want to do.

[Mostly. Point is: he's already considered it not impossible, which is pretty impressive, considering! Just. Yeah. Gonna let it sit for a little while yet. He doesn't feel like dealing with them yet, hence the whole coming around on four legs instead of two.]

I'm no snitch. [It bothers him, obviously, but he's not looking to get Nekane in trouble over it, or anything. Héctor probably wouldn't find the comment he took issue with to be very fair, either. ...He hopes.] But hey, it's not my fault you're a worrywart. Seriously, anytime I say you don't have to worry about it, you don't have to. I can deal with my own shit, dude.

[Ah. Hand immediately returning to his lap because that is a discomfort he knows well. There was one person allowed to pet him as a wolf, and even that was real fuckin' weird.]

Sorry. I knew carbuncles are familiars, but I didn't know that part.

[Does that make things retroactively weird with the Alphinaud guy... Hm.]

[A fair point. There was that then. So, maybe he didn't hate Nekane after all.

Wouldn't that be nice, to have two people he's fond of actually like each other. Hard to remember the last time that happened outside of shantytown.

And again--]

Fair enough. [He can't begrudge a secret kept.] But not about the worrying. I like you. I'm going to worry about you. Saying that just tells me you don't want or trust me to be involved, which I'll give you is your choice, but it's not going to stop me from worrying. I'll just worry more until I know for certain. You know. Like a worrywart.

[ That he's familiar with the concept of Carbuncles also makes it clear how he's familiar with them. ]

...You've met my little brother then. [ A statement, not a question. ] He learned to create his with years of proper tutelage and training, so it's more of a separate entity than mine is.

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