[Ardyn was afraid of a lot of things. He was afraid of everyone he cared about vanishing from this place and leaving him behind. Afraid of himself, inhuman thing that he was, and the fact that someday he might simply awaken one morning without warning and no longer be Ardyn Lucis Caelum.]
[Terrified that what he would become would know or care nothing for his own friends and family, and turn his back on them utterly. Knowing that, would it really be safe to take this risk? If he valued anything now, would his future self crush it out beneath his heel like the last embers of a flame to ward away the dark?]
[...Did it matter?]
[That fear was no different; this 'Ardyn' would disappear just like those who had left this city, regardless of what terrible thing would stand in his place. Could he live with his own hypocrisy if he turned away from his own heartfelt advice. Worse still, could he even dare lie to her?]
I...had rather forgotten how to feel much of anything, for a time. It is something I am trying to relearn even now, so please forgive me if this should be...troubling to you somehow. But I-
[Of all things, his scattered thoughts came into brief clarity on his brother. For all their respective faults, Ardyn had known for some time now that his own sentiments could stand to be tempered by Somnus' overabundance of decisive action without fear. It was a matter of balance, plain and simple; another piece of his own advice to her that felt insurmountable to adhere to.]
Honerva--
[He couldn't remember anything of having told Aera. When, where, how young and unaware of their terrible futures they had been, all of it was lost to time. And if he had known then what he did now, would he have ever followed through with it?]
...I'm in love with you.
[Of course he would. What a stupid question to ask himself. If this all ended in the next few minutes, if they both vanished and all of it ended like a dream before dawn, the part of Ardyn that was still human would do the same in this regard a hundred thousand times over. It didn't matter how limited his time was predestined to be, and whether or not he disappeared in some potential and indistinct future was pointless.]
[Because this was what was worth fighting for. Worth living for.]
no subject
[Terrified that what he would become would know or care nothing for his own friends and family, and turn his back on them utterly. Knowing that, would it really be safe to take this risk? If he valued anything now, would his future self crush it out beneath his heel like the last embers of a flame to ward away the dark?]
[...Did it matter?]
[That fear was no different; this 'Ardyn' would disappear just like those who had left this city, regardless of what terrible thing would stand in his place. Could he live with his own hypocrisy if he turned away from his own heartfelt advice. Worse still, could he even dare lie to her?]
I...had rather forgotten how to feel much of anything, for a time. It is something I am trying to relearn even now, so please forgive me if this should be...troubling to you somehow. But I-
[Of all things, his scattered thoughts came into brief clarity on his brother. For all their respective faults, Ardyn had known for some time now that his own sentiments could stand to be tempered by Somnus' overabundance of decisive action without fear. It was a matter of balance, plain and simple; another piece of his own advice to her that felt insurmountable to adhere to.]
Honerva--
[He couldn't remember anything of having told Aera. When, where, how young and unaware of their terrible futures they had been, all of it was lost to time. And if he had known then what he did now, would he have ever followed through with it?]
...I'm in love with you.
[Of course he would. What a stupid question to ask himself. If this all ended in the next few minutes, if they both vanished and all of it ended like a dream before dawn, the part of Ardyn that was still human would do the same in this regard a hundred thousand times over. It didn't matter how limited his time was predestined to be, and whether or not he disappeared in some potential and indistinct future was pointless.]
[Because this was what was worth fighting for. Worth living for.]