hugtopia_logs | ♥ October (Lasohm) Fourth Wall Log

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♥ October (Lasohm) Fourth Wall Log

kool aid man crashing through a wall then nervously stepping out again

October (Lasohm) Fourth Wall Log

❥ Speaking of Wall Breaking...

The ghosts in town sure are weird, huh? But they're settling down, as the month draws to a close. They're becoming less anxious and random, their behaviour growing sort of… focused. As time passes some of them begin to develop features. They can interact with the world more consistently. You can… hear their voice.

And then suddenly they are people, real and physical and just as confused to be here as you are. They could be anyone, from your world, someone else's world, a place you've never heard of… some of them could even be you, from a different universe, a different timeline, an unknown reality. What does all this mean?

IT'S FOURTH WALL, Y'ALL. Tell your friends, people interested in apping or just playing around in the setting, anybody! Time to break the wall down and have some fun.

This post serves as a replacement for the usual Test Drive Meme, in order to consolidate the chaos a bit. Though it is being posted now, timeline-wise, this shift will occur ONLY during the weekend prior to applications opening: October 30th to November 2nd, after which point characters will either disappear or become permanent residents via the application process. This also means that the rest of the event effects will have worn off, and characters will be their normal selves through the duration of this prompt.

Some ground rules for the 4th Wall event:

For characters/accounts not in-game:

a character does not have to meet application qualifications to post to the 4th Wall Event, except in cases where there is an intent to apply when applications open. Duplicates, CRAU, AU, etc. are permitted for the event.
we do ask that crack shenanigans are reasonably limited, game rules are followed, and that the event involve characters only, not players or real people.
anyone can toplevel! It'll be a free for all. Go wild, have fun.
characters will be given a temporary, low-tech communicator for the duration of the event with limited network access, due to limited availability of the real deal.
you will not arrive with any items/companions beyond the clothes that you wear
check out the Setting or FAQ pages for location details! Also, have a look at the October event log, to see what else is going on these days.

For characters/accounts currently in-game:

players can decide for themselves at the event's conclusion whether or not memories of certain visitors remain, and to what extent; memories could become fuzzy, faces or communication obscured, they could disappear entirely, or they can remain fully intact whether the person apps into the game or not.
network communications with 4th Wall visitors that don't (or can't) app in will be wiped, with the locals citing a data error related to the older communicators being used. Technology can be unpredictable, huh!
any communication exchanges that you WANT to keep can remain with some discretion; for example, if a spouse visits and you happen to take a selfie with them, and they do not (or cannot) app but having that photo of them would give you comfort, feel free to keep it.
Similar to the TDM, 4th wall threads cannot be used for AC or AC Reward purposes unless it is between characters already in-game.

Click the above prompt to expand for details. Timeline-wise, this occurs October 30th to November 2nd. For players currently in-game, if you have any questions, please direct them to the FAQ or to the Mod Question thread on the original plotting post.

On this post, we've created both another Questions Thread and a Toplevel thread (see below) for visiting players, the latter so that anyone can track and see who's posted! When you've made a toplevel, feel free to comment HERE to let everyone know.

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Honerva he says, and isn't that enough to near stop a heart. That he looks upon her and... acknowledges her name, she hadn't been prepared for that, hadn't even known to hope for it. He doesn't know her, not really at all, and yet he's been able to call her that name without her having to say it. She smiles softly.

"... Lotor."

She loses the title, this time. An effort on her part, too, but now she almost doesn't know what to say more.

"I am grateful to see you well, my son. It has been... deca-phoebs."

Perhaps not for him, but she says this for him to understand it of her.

Her words made his eyes narrow even more, but the tone of them was not something he had been expecting to hear. She almost sounded as if she...cared? From all he'd learned of his own future, he would not have imagined such a thing if the Paladins were being truthful.

The dropping of the title did not bother him in any way. He'd always hated it, and hated the current one even more. Was she even aware of what had taken place, here in this reality?

"Deca-phoebes...I am sure you will understand my asking, but. What do you remember of your reality? Should we come from different ones or from different timelines in the same, I believe it would be much more efficient to compare our respective knowledge of events."

It was a question she'd anticipated from him, much as she currently loathed the entire notion of her original reality. She inclines her head to his words, wondering what he must be thinking.

"The last I recall from that reality..." She does not call it hers or even theirs, with how much she recoils from it now. "... Is of your visit to Central Command. You had been summoned there to be... dismissed. I had not recalled enough of myself at the time to even be properly aware of our... relation."

Strange, even, to say those words; so far away she was now even from that state of mind, but she understands the importance of clarity in this.

"However, I had... seen and spoken to you in another reality since then, where you had informed me of some events that had taken place afterward."

"...I see."

Of course, he didn't. Not truly. Her memory from her own timeline matched his own, at least the vague description she'd given, but it was very little to go on by way of determining if they might be from the same reality. His voice when next he spoke was a bit more brusque, but he refrained from being outwardly hostile. Such displays would only hinder him from gaining necessary information.

"Oh? Would you be at all willing to share some of the things I told you? I do assure you that it was not myself, though I grant you that a version of me likely did."

Still no way to be entirely certain, but should her version match his own it was far more likely they at least shared a reality of not a timeline.

"Of course. I am well aware of how there can be... discrepancies when pulled into other realities. You would have known me immediately, had that been the case."

And likely not even given her a chance for audience at that, but she wonders, had he been somewhere else as well? It seemed likely, for the manner of his questions.

"When we spoke there initially, you had been all too ready to inform me... of the defeat of what remained of your father, and of your victory at the Kral Zera."

"Indeed."

Obviously, she would know that. Even as Haggar she had known such things. But this was not Haggar, and though he could not bring himself to trust her, he also could not connect this version of the woman he'd never known with the description he'd been given by the Paladins.

At her next words, he sighed so heavily it was nearly a growl.

"Yes. It is quite fresh for me, in my own timeline."

He paused, unsure what else to say.

Once he speaks, Honerva falls silent as well for a moment, letting his words sink in, dipping her head in acknowledgement.

There is more that she is aware of, though she dares not yet say it, if he can confirm this much. For her part she is merely grateful for this moment to look upon him, while he is here. For however long he might yet tolerate her presence. It may not be long; she knows that well.

"...a position I very much regret that you were put into, Lotor."

Words he may not even be ready to hear, but there for him to consider.

"As do I."

Well. He most certainly hadn't been expecting her to say such a thing. But he did not know this woman, and basing his assumptions on nothing more than the small pieces of information shared by the Paladins was foolish. He was still gaurded, but they had not even confirmed a shared timeline as yet.

"Despite his repeated abuse throughout my lifetime, it was not something that brought me joy."

He wasn't entirely certain why he'd said it, but it seemed important at the moment to do so.

His words are not ones she expects to hear him say, either; she hardly knows if she should go on. She's braced for the rejection, the memory of the last time still stinging, but it has not yet come. Pressing a hand to her chest, she speaks again.

"... You used to try so hard to please him, only seeking peace that he was incapable of giving you at every turn. You were robbed of the father he would have been, long before your birth."

In truth, he'd been prepared to reject her outright. Had she been the Haggar he was familiar with, he would have done so immediately, or the unfeeling version of Honerva deadset on the acquisition of a perfect universe with no regard to who she hurt.

But this was not that woman. Though he had not been expecting kindness, she showed it to him on sight, and while a storm raged in his brain he could not find it in himself to dismiss her outright.

"The Rift robs us all. It gave me this absurdly long life, for which I have long stopped being grateful. But I cannot hate Zarkon as he was then. That Zarkon died, as did you. What returned to birth me was merely a shell bent on power, and the same is true in his case. But...he still kept you at his right hand all of his life, even if you did not know him any longer. And he kept me alive, well educated and cared for, in his way, when he could easily have done away with me. It was never enough, but it was also not nothing."

For a moment, her breath catches, and for a few ticks, she cannot speak.

"We... named you together, before you were born, and here you are, the best of us both. He even kept that name for you, for what reason I cannot say. I was too lost to know it. Despite all of that... you found your own path, and our darkness did not take you. I am... so, deeply sorry that it has taken so long to recognize you, my son."

"He kept it because he loved you. To his very last breath. Even in his corrupted state he could not separate completely from that love."

He cleared his throat and looked away for a moment. When next he spoke, his voice was a bit rough.

"I would very much have liked to know both of you as you were before I caused a war that has lasted ten millennia. I...am unsure if we share the same reality, but I would like to believe we may, or that ours may be close enough to count should they differ. I do not think we can ever be certain. But...I have been to a reality where things were explained to me, and it seems this place is similar for you."

The next pause seemed to last an eternity.

"I know that I am dead, in my own reality. Felled by Voltron. But...they tell me that the battle continues, and I believe they may find peace. If the advances made needed to result in my death, I find myself unable to be angry or resentful. I cannot know what your future holds, or my own, but...I have hated you for far too long. If you truly are Honerva, I will attempt to listen to what you have to say without judgment."

At the mention of his death, her eyes close tightly; for a moment she does not speak, only tries to take in the rest of his words. Whether or not he has made peace with it does not change the emotion of it... but this was not the same rejection she had once faced.

He had time, as had she. Funny, to be allowed to have it, outside of all of those years.

"I am... aware of what you speak. I saw it in a vision here, not so long ago. It is not something... easily made peace with. Please... do not blame yourself for the war, for all that befell us. You survived then... and all I can hope for you now is that you can continue do so, away from that universe. That you can... discover a path that just isn't cleaning up after the ruin your parents left for you, and seek your happiness. You deserve so much more."

She says finally, opening her eyes to look at him once more.

"... as for what future in mind that reality may have for me, I know not, beyond... that it surely will only lead to more pain and darkness, if I am present and bound to it. That is why I, too, am seeking a different path, while I am able to so. While I am still... myself."

"I do not feel it has anything to do with deserving. I have been...far from perfect in my methods. Good intentions only mean so much in the end."

But he sighed, because no matter what she said, he knew that he was the cause of the war and that his very existence had been what had started the events that caused so much discord in the multiverse to the present day.

"I am attempting to find out all that I am able in order to change what I have been told. Not for my own sake, but for that of the multiverse. If you are able to change your course, I would...be open to joining you, should you be willing. Even if only very temporarily."

After a moment, he was unable to refrain from asking anymore. "I assume you know of Oriande? I...my last memory of my own reality is of returning from it."

Again, there is all too much to absorb by his words, weighing every one, what he says and the implications of what he does not. That he would even voice such a possibility--of joining her? Willingly? Or is it to punish himself? Is staggering enough, when every waking day she relives the jumbled memories and lost time before focusing on the future. She'll get back to that thought, but for now, that last part of what he'd said...

"Oriande..."

She exhales, softly.

"There... is not much I remember about our past or our people, let alone my own--life, before your father. But I do know... I had been searching for it, for a long time. I had... harbored a wish to go there for so long. I am grateful to know you were able to look upon it yourself."

Edited 2020-10-28 00:38 (UTC)

He hadn't been aware that he was going to mention joining her or aligning in any way, but...in this place, knowing what they both did and being out of their own time, it made sense to him. Not to forgive entirely the abuse he'd suffered at her hands, but to know that those hands had been mere remnants of the woman his mother had been. The woman before him now. It was difficult to reconcile when he'd spent all his life harboring a deep hatred of her very being, but he was unable to feel the same about this obviously hurting version of his mother, who had shown she cared deeply for him in their first moments of meeting.

As he'd told her, it could never be enough, but it was also not nothing. And he was so very tired of running and fighting and being constantly on edge. If this version of his mother was deceiving him, well, he'd find out soon enough. And he was dead regardless, so in the end it ceased to matter.

"It is beautiful. I had never imagined I would be able to see it, but...Allura has allowed me to see many things I would not have guessed possible.

I was, however, too Galra for the White Lion, and I did not pass the trials. I was not granted alchemical knowledge."

Allura... that's a name she's not heard spoken aloud in some time. Funny, how the young woman had seen her for the Altean she was before she had known it to be true of herself.

"What meaning... has this had for you? You do not seem... angered that this has occurred."

To have been so close to an opportunity... chasing her own footsteps, yet it seemed that the journey itself had meant more to him than the knowledge. Allura had opened pathways for him he had only hoped to find. Had it been his upbringing? Another failure at her own shoulders for him? Still--the past could not be changed. This was part of his present and now his past, and not one she would experience--if she could but hold on to what she had now.

"I am ashamed. Though I had not meant to react defensively, I was far too conditioned to doing so to allow any rational thought through. It rendered me fearful and thus angry. I am still angry with myself."

He sighed.

"But I had never expected to ever see Oriande, and being able to do so was a gift after a lifetime of having hopes dashed. I am thankful to have had the experience, and the company I did. I cannot be angry at the outcome, as it was still more than I had ever anticipated."

He gave no real thought to the mention of Allura, as Haggar had known of her and he had known from the very beginning that she had been aware of his alliance with her and the other Paladins.

"... It is not your fault. To be able to go so far, for all that held you back... you looked upon an ancient world, and came away still with knowledge of yourself, if not the secrets it promised. That still... is something to be proud of."

Even if it was not what he had hoped for. And even if this journey would not spare him from being turned on by his so-called allies in the moment. No, those thoughts were too bitter, not worth the here and now, where he was alive. When the man standing before her had tried so hard to carve his own identity out of his life. They hardly knew one another at all, and yet, did that truly mean they were strangers?

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

Edited 2020-10-28 04:08 (UTC)

"Thank you."

It was quiet and almost disbelieving, because from everything he'd ever known and all he'd been told, she should not be saying such things to him. But if this was truly the Honerva from his own reality, perhaps she had not fallen so far yet. It was impossible to say, but the woman before him now did not seem to be saying what she did to manipulate him.

"Of course. They are merely facts."

"Facts that you were under no obligation to share."

He had brought his journey up willingly, as opposed to her finding out another way. Free to speak to one another candidly, as if time had made way for this circumstance. Hard not to feel both simultaneously hopeful and yet so terrified, that he might turn from her at any point. Her hand presses to her chest again, but she smiles, a little easier.

"I know that I yet knew so little of you. How you've grown into the strong person that you are. This... chance that we have to speak of such things. To value you for who you are... that means more to me than you could know."

That got the barest hint of a chuckle.

"No, but as we are not in our own reality or realities as the case may be, it matters not. I also do not sense any of the treachery from you as you are now that I did when I knew you as Haggar.

When she smiled and said her next words, Lotor had to take a tick to contain the onslaught of emotion. It was what he'd been longing to hear all his life, and while his rational mind was screaming at him to be careful, this did not feel like one of the tricks the witch would play. It felt...genuine.

"I...am unsure how to respond. I am sure you understand that I must still be careful, but...you saying those things means a great deal regardless."

"... I am grateful that you are willing to see me, and not see her reflected in me."

The High Priestess had little to do with The Crown Prince until she'd had him summoned back to the Empire, the one person she thought viable to rule until Zarkon's recovery could be secured, and the Emperor in turn had scolded her for that decision. At such a point in time, she could not grasp the intentions or reasons as to why Lotor would turn against them; he'd remained an enigma to her for so long.

Her slow reemergence had made the truth of it all too clear. He was bright, gifted, and made his own path, with or without what he was provided. He had lived every one of those years far more than she had, being unable to appreciate so much around her, only able to appraise others for their roles or their use, much as her own existence was the same. Hardly a way to live, and so much of that entrenched mindset had needed undoing.

And he'd... hated her, perhaps for how deeply devoted she was to not question her orders or his father's rule. She thought he always would hate her, that her only memories of him might only be of rejection. But as cautious as they both were being, she didn't sense that venom from him either. She takes a breath, and speaks again, softly.

"What has... helped me the most was being able to meet my companions. They helped me accept... a lot of ugly truths, and we have learned to support one another. There is much I struggle with still, but we... get through those times, as we can."

"I fear that I cannot unsee the reflection entirely, but perhaps there is enough difference to be a starting point. I have long been held accountable for Zarkon's actions - surely you remember that, as Haggar?"

He smirked, a tad bitterly, but it wasn't meant to be hostile.

"It has been largely the same for me. The reality I have been residing in is a sort of nightmare, but the Paladins are present. Some from a future timeline, and they have told me of...many things. I feel that if I am dead it serves no purpose to carry resentment or hate. I cannot forgive what I endured, but...you were not the one to do it, and you did not understand what it was you were doing as the witch. It would be foolish of me to blame you for it."

Honerva nods to his words, though her expression can't help but fall at the context of it all. Residing in some sort of nightmare, having the paladins for company, resigned to the supposed fate of that future even if he had not yet experienced it.

It had been hard enough for her to endure the visions of it without context, as it was to hear him fill in those gaps. She hadn't ever wanted to accept his death as reality, but what could she do when he confirmed it all himself? And then to say that he did not blame her for what he had endured, as much as she continued to do so?

It was... his... choice, what he was facing now.

"This world... is different. It is not a nightmare, but... the sort of place where we can't be certain how long we may remain, while it recovers. In this moment you have accepted all that may befall you but in this moment you are still alive. You... are still a person, with needs, and cares... so please, do not forget that."

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