[Noctis may not be able to give him the grounding touch that he needs so badly, but there is something in the tone of his son's voice that acts as grounding instead. It's hard for Regis to focus on the words at first, and yet there is something that helps calm him and rein in the emotions that make him feel as if he is about to collapse.
Aulea. He can almost hear her in his son's voice. All the time she spoke, so calm and controlled, knowing her words were all that stood between him and a mistake that would tarnish his reputation as king. Her words were not always calm and controlled, though. Often they were full of fire and frustration, almost a kind of desperation when it was just the two of them. Just like it is only he and Noctis now.
His son. Her son. The only one they ever loved more than they loved each other.
Slowly, his mind begins to clear and his heart slows. His hand stops shaking, though when he runs it through his hair before letting it drop to his side, it really makes more of a mess of it than it straightens it.
Perhaps it is fitting. He's still a mess after all, just a slightly more composed one.]
I swore to Aulea I would never treat you like my father treated me. I swore it to you over and over once she was gone. [At first, it seems as if Regis's words are far afield, but as he continues it becomes clear he is trying to explain his strong reaction, even as he tries to process what Noctis has told him.]
And yet, you had to leave so uncertain. So angry. Rightly so.
[Everything he felt Noctis feel was valid. He doesn't want his son to excuse his feelings even if excuses exist.]
We will never know for sure why he did what he did. Cor is likely right. I cannot imagine myself being able to lie or even bend the truth had we been alone together that night. And, if you had known, you would not have left. We both know that.
[Regis pauses a moment and when he continues again, it is obvious he was trying to steady his voice and was only partly successful.]
I am so sorry, my beloved, my only son. You never lacked in anything, despite what I know you believe. I would take your hate a million times over if it meant you were alive, and I would curse myself everyday for the pain I know that it caused you.
[He said it before. Guessed that is what his future self felt, but now, more than ever, he believes it true. The distance had to happen and as much as he hates it, Regis knows no better way to create distance than to step completely into the shoes of his father.
After all, he never felt more alone than when his father used that look on him.]
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Aulea. He can almost hear her in his son's voice. All the time she spoke, so calm and controlled, knowing her words were all that stood between him and a mistake that would tarnish his reputation as king. Her words were not always calm and controlled, though. Often they were full of fire and frustration, almost a kind of desperation when it was just the two of them. Just like it is only he and Noctis now.
His son. Her son. The only one they ever loved more than they loved each other.
Slowly, his mind begins to clear and his heart slows. His hand stops shaking, though when he runs it through his hair before letting it drop to his side, it really makes more of a mess of it than it straightens it.
Perhaps it is fitting. He's still a mess after all, just a slightly more composed one.]
I swore to Aulea I would never treat you like my father treated me. I swore it to you over and over once she was gone.
[At first, it seems as if Regis's words are far afield, but as he continues it becomes clear he is trying to explain his strong reaction, even as he tries to process what Noctis has told him.]
And yet, you had to leave so uncertain. So angry. Rightly so.
[Everything he felt Noctis feel was valid. He doesn't want his son to excuse his feelings even if excuses exist.]
We will never know for sure why he did what he did. Cor is likely right. I cannot imagine myself being able to lie or even bend the truth had we been alone together that night. And, if you had known, you would not have left. We both know that.
[Regis pauses a moment and when he continues again, it is obvious he was trying to steady his voice and was only partly successful.]
I am so sorry, my beloved, my only son. You never lacked in anything, despite what I know you believe. I would take your hate a million times over if it meant you were alive, and I would curse myself everyday for the pain I know that it caused you.
[He said it before. Guessed that is what his future self felt, but now, more than ever, he believes it true. The distance had to happen and as much as he hates it, Regis knows no better way to create distance than to step completely into the shoes of his father.
After all, he never felt more alone than when his father used that look on him.]
Thank you for not hating me.