[ She has said her piece—enough for him to understand she understands—and now takes her time in formulating answers that may help him. ]
It's... very hard. I don't think it will ever not be hard, Noct. The grieving. The guilt. That hole left behind in your heart.
It will get easier though, when the wound is not so fresh.
[ Era finally drinks of her hot chocolate, inhaling the scent. It isn't the same as Haurchefant's, but it is enough. ]
I'm fortunate in knowing that Hades encouraged us. He loved us both, albeit to different degrees. Ardbert and I are both pieces of Hemera's soul. It was an inevitability.
Even still, sometimes I wrap myself in his robes, breathe in his scent, and wonder...
[ She sighs, soft and weary. Places her cup down on the table, then lifts her hands to her auracite pendant. Clutches it close to her breast. Tenderly strokes the facets of it as she speaks up again: ]
Sometimes I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. All these beautiful moments I have with Ardbert now... Ones Hades will never experience...
But then, for all his years I was the first lover he had who knew him. Who he could be open with, and take off his many masks. Even if it was for such a short time... Remembering the things I was able to give him... That helps. I know he was unspeakably grateful for it.
So I— I suppose... The advice I would give to you is to have something of hers to carry with you always. A token of remembrance, kept on your person. Always within reach of your hands.
My pendant is a shard of the auracite used to kill him. It contains a small fragment of his aether and his soul. [ The wry little smile on her lips says she knows it's kind of messed up. ] Hades teased me about how morbid it was, but I know he liked the sentiment.
It brings me peace. It is an acknowledgement of his existence and what he meant to me. And it... helps. Especially when Ardbert and I are intimate, and he takes the time to press a kiss to my pendant. It's— It just... helps a great deal.
Even if what I had was not so morbid a thing, it would still make me feel like I was able to share my experiences with him.
You and I are similar in enough ways that it might help you, as well.
no subject
It's... very hard. I don't think it will ever not be hard, Noct. The grieving. The guilt. That hole left behind in your heart.
It will get easier though, when the wound is not so fresh.
[ Era finally drinks of her hot chocolate, inhaling the scent. It isn't the same as Haurchefant's, but it is enough. ]
I'm fortunate in knowing that Hades encouraged us. He loved us both, albeit to different degrees. Ardbert and I are both pieces of Hemera's soul. It was an inevitability.
Even still, sometimes I wrap myself in his robes, breathe in his scent, and wonder...
[ She sighs, soft and weary. Places her cup down on the table, then lifts her hands to her auracite pendant. Clutches it close to her breast. Tenderly strokes the facets of it as she speaks up again: ]
Sometimes I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. All these beautiful moments I have with Ardbert now... Ones Hades will never experience...
But then, for all his years I was the first lover he had who knew him. Who he could be open with, and take off his many masks. Even if it was for such a short time... Remembering the things I was able to give him... That helps. I know he was unspeakably grateful for it.
So I— I suppose... The advice I would give to you is to have something of hers to carry with you always. A token of remembrance, kept on your person. Always within reach of your hands.
My pendant is a shard of the auracite used to kill him. It contains a small fragment of his aether and his soul. [ The wry little smile on her lips says she knows it's kind of messed up. ] Hades teased me about how morbid it was, but I know he liked the sentiment.
It brings me peace. It is an acknowledgement of his existence and what he meant to me. And it... helps. Especially when Ardbert and I are intimate, and he takes the time to press a kiss to my pendant. It's— It just... helps a great deal.
Even if what I had was not so morbid a thing, it would still make me feel like I was able to share my experiences with him.
You and I are similar in enough ways that it might help you, as well.